by captain america on 08/06/11 at 9:19 amCapitol Hill – (SatireWorld.com)
A source within the secret service is reporting today that just before dawn an armed Congressional Team from the House Ethics Committee (HEC), swooped in on the White House and confiscated President Obama’s Blackberry under a Federal Seizure Fatwa passed by the Supreme Court in the interests of “national security’ in the usual 5-4 vote.
While White House staffers remain dazed, confused, in shock, and mostly ‘Mum’ (HMMMMMM,HMMMM),
reports are circulating around the Congressional Men’s room that the seizure COULD BE tied into the ever unfolding ‘Weinergate” scandal revolving about soon to be former Congressman Anthony “the Schemer” Weiner.
Weiner was told he would be hauled before the now Republican controlled House Ethics Panel, and DC insiders are now opining that ‘Weeping” Weiner will be pleading for a deal and be willing to name names, share suggestive tweets and pix, and when all else fails use the age old excuse, “even the President was doing it!”
Presidential aides, now mostly all gone back to academia as the Obama Doctrine of Divine Socialization continues to fail, had warned the president in the most strenuous terms concerning his insistence to keep his BlackBerry account despite very real, and persistent facts, concerning the risks to national security not to mention his personal pursuits of tweeting fans on his social networking sites.
While his account has been highly encrypted with the latest technology from the CIA, a Black Ops officer who could not be named said, “The chi-coms had broken that code 2 years ago, and then sold it to Julian Assange. Why he’s kept quiet so long I don’t know, unless this accounts for Obama’s deals with the Middle East, his turning his back on the UK and Israel, and now pledging $30B to Tunisia and Egypt! I wouldn’t rule out blackmale (sic) in any case. There’s probably a lot of juicy stuff that when it comes out will force him to take up residency in Belgium, France or Germany where ‘penile problems’ whilst in office are no big deal.”
In what may be a coincidence, Federal Prosecutors in Chicago said they are withdrawing the case against impeached former Governor Rod Blagojevich ‘for lack of evidence.” This coincides with their reluctance to call convicted developer Tony Retzo, Obama’s fund raising benefactor, from whom he bought his Chicago residence and with help, the vacant lot next door. Retzo has been no where to be found in the continuing saga of Chicago corruption, and the Feds have “postponed indefinitely” his jail sentence.
Obviously, with so much at stake for ObamaLand, he is guaranteed to be free from any questioning now that all of Obama’s chickens he installed in the White House have flocked back to the Corrupt Hen House in Chicago where Rahm Emanuel is now the mayor and ruling with an iron fist. It’s not for nothing that the windy city is now being called “ObamaLand”, and with the announcement of legalized gambling in the city, even more money is flowing in from Dubai, the Chinese mainland, with an even heavier influx from Russia.
An insider deep within the FBI said even the formerly entrenched Mafia has seen the handwriting on the wall and are bailing out, with relocation teams now looking into Iowa, South Dakota, and even Arkansas for safe havens to avoid the ‘hit teams’ from the aggressive foreign ‘investment’ corporations moving into the city.
The action this morning only reopened questions that the White House thought they had quashed months ago concerning reports Michelle had ‘sanctioned’ several comely aides close to Barry, sending them off to Somalia, Dakar, and Libya with a good severance, and a good reference to get them out of the way.
Investigators also said they hope they can now find out what the President was really doing when he continually ‘drops off the radar’ for 15 minutes at a time, and if he really is playing golf with close staffers who would know better than to rat his arse out.
George Obama has 4 wives in Kenya, and Barrack Hussein Obama, Sr. was known to be the spreader of good cheer around the world with a multitude of off spring.
As Assange hinted today when confronted in England where he is currently residing in DSK like spendour,
“My lips are sealed….but can the apple fall far from the tree! Hmmm, Hmmm, Hmmm?”