Throckmorton P. Turdblossom- ‘The Country Boy’s Advice Column’
by Throckmorton P. Turdblossom on 04/07/11 at 4:34 am
Throckmorton P. Turdblossom will gladly help you with his good old country wisdom. Send your questions via email to: Satireworld@gmail.com
Dear Throckmorton,
Please, I hope you can help me.
My husband has a long record of money problems. He runs up huge credit-card bills and at the end of the month, if I try to pay them off, he shouts at me, saying I am stealing his money. He says pay the minimum and lets our kids worry about the rest, but already we can hardly keep up with the interest.
Also he has been so arrogant and abusive toward our neighbors that most of them no longer speak to us. The few that do are an odd bunch, to whom he has been giving a lot of expensive gifts, running up our bills even more. Also, he has gotten religious. One week he hangs out with Catholics and the next with people who say the Pope is the Anti-Christ, and the next he’s with Muslims.
Finally, the last straw. He’s demanding that before anyone can be in the same room with him, they must sign a loyalty oath.
It’s just so horribly creepy! Can you help?
Signed, Lost in DC
Dear Lost in DC:
Stop whining, Michelle. You’re getting to live in the White House for free, travel the world on other people’s money, and have others pay for everything for you. You can divorce the jerk any time you want. The rest of us are stuck with the son of a gun for the next year and a half!
Signed,
Throckmorton P. Turdblossom
The Old Sage of SatireWorld
Let’s Hear It!