by Bargis Tryhol on 05/07/11 at 6:42 am
Orlando, Florida – (SatireWorld.com)
As the jury entered their controversial verdict over the first degree murder charge against Tot Mom, Casey Marie Anthony stood accused of duct taping her two-year-old daughter Caylee’s mouth and nose closed after administrating a lethal dose of chloroform, new revelations have surfaced in the way of the defendant’s confession to reporters who were granted a special interview today.
Anthony was lead into the crowded Orange County Court House’s press room in shackles, wearing her drab orange prison uniform, with her hair pulled back in her trade-mark prison hairdo. Casey was accompanied by the ever-present Jose Baez, her attorney for more than three years. They were holding hands and smiling at each other as the verdict was read by the clerk of the court.
Later, as public furor took over the airwaves, Casey Anthony felt she could now tell her story without fear of reprisals from the State Attorney’s office.
“I want to make a confession as to what really happened, ” claimed Anthony as she took a seat in a high-backed office chair. Her hands were clenched in front of her, the rattle of braclets instead of handcuffs reinforced her ex-prisoner status, unlike the TV vision that millions saw of her in court.
“Look…My daughter Caylee commited suicide. I know, you think I’m lying again, but it’s the truth this time. Little Caylee was despondent for some time after my parents cut-off cable TV because I wouldn’t contribute a dime towards anything. Her favorite show ‘Sesame Street’ wasn’t available on our TV set any longer. The little tyke cried for days!”
Jaws dropped as veteran reporters waned into a state of semi-shock as the Tot Mom continued on with her confession. Jose Baez hurriedly scribbled notes and shook his head in a knowing reflection that his client was telling the truth, and in fact, was really the victim of this whole affair.
“Caylee sprayed herself with a combination of dry cleaning fluid and some embalming fluid I had laying around from a class I took a few years back in order to become be a certified mortician. Before I could stop her, she had wrapped duct tape all over her face and crawled inside three black garbage bags. Oh! I’m sorry…I meantTrash bags.”
Stunned, reporters looked at each other in disbelief. Jose Baez smiled and shook his head in a positive manner. Casey continued…
“Yes, she was dead. I was in a panic. I knew my parents were really going to be sore over this, so I ran outside crying. I mean, how could this happen to ME! Luckily, I saw this nice meter-reader guy by the curb who appeared to be on the rather dim side of reality, so I handed him the bag and told him it was a dead cat that died of AIDS and asked him to throw it in the woods for me.”
Hands rose as reporters begged for their questions to be answered, hesitently, attorney Baez pointed toward a woman reporter in the front row.
“Casey, what about those 31 missing days. How do you explain that?” Casey’s face took a somber expression as she answered.
“Well, after I handed off the trash bag to that buffoon looking guy, I walked back to the house. I was so full of tears my eyes clouded. Somewhat blinded, I stepped on a shovel that was lying in the grass and the handle popped up hitting me in the head! I was knocked out for sometime and when I awoke I couldn’t remember anything. In fact, the first thing that popped into my mind was to get a really cool tattoo..and I did. But that hurt some, so I went out and drank alot for the next 31 days.”
Casey sipped some water and finished her confession before any taking any further questions.
“Oh yeah, That smell in my car. Well, for 31 days I didn’t change my underwear and I forgot, just leaving them in my trunk. It was hot. I was pretty gross during those 31 days of partying, so….”
At that point, Mr. Baez stepped up with his new book publisher and touted a book deal about the whole trial and subsequent confession.