Casey Anthony Confesses! Offers Full Explanation Of Tragedy.

by on 05/07/11 at 6:42 am

It was Sesame Street…” Casey now says her daughter committed suicide by putting the duct tape on herself after she sprayed herself with dry cleaning and embalming fluid.”

Orlando, Florida – (SatireWorld.com)

As the jury entered their controversial verdict over the first degree murder charge against Tot Mom, Casey Marie Anthony stood accused of duct taping her two-year-old daughter Caylee’s mouth and nose closed after administrating a lethal dose of chloroform, new revelations have surfaced in the way of the defendant’s confession to reporters who were granted a special interview today.

Anthony was lead into the crowded Orange County Court House’s press room in shackles, wearing her drab orange prison uniform, with her hair pulled back in her trade-mark prison hairdo. Casey was accompanied by the ever-present Jose Baez, her attorney for more than three years. They were holding hands and smiling at each other as the verdict was read by the clerk of the court.

Later, as public furor took over the airwaves, Casey Anthony felt she could now tell her story without fear of reprisals from the State Attorney’s office.

“I want to make a confession as to what really happened, ” claimed Anthony as she took a seat in a high-backed office chair. Her hands were clenched in front of her, the rattle of braclets instead of handcuffs reinforced her ex-prisoner status, unlike the TV vision that millions saw of her in court.

“Look…My daughter Caylee commited suicide. I know, you think I’m lying again, but it’s the truth this time. Little Caylee was despondent for some time after my parents cut-off cable TV because I wouldn’t contribute a dime towards anything. Her favorite show ‘Sesame Street’ wasn’t available on our TV set any longer. The little tyke cried for days!”

Jaws dropped as veteran reporters waned into a state of semi-shock as the Tot Mom continued on with her confession. Jose Baez hurriedly scribbled notes and shook his head in a knowing reflection that his client was telling the truth, and in fact, was really the victim of this whole affair.

“Caylee sprayed herself with a combination of dry cleaning fluid and some embalming fluid I had laying around from a class I took a few years back in order to become be a certified mortician. Before I could stop her, she had wrapped duct tape all over her face and crawled inside three black garbage bags. Oh! I’m sorry…I meantTrash bags.”

Stunned, reporters looked at each other in disbelief. Jose Baez smiled and shook his head in a positive manner. Casey continued…

“Yes, she was dead. I was in a panic. I knew my parents were really going to be sore over this, so I ran outside crying. I mean, how could this happen to ME! Luckily, I saw this nice meter-reader guy by the curb who appeared to be on the rather dim side of reality, so I handed him the bag and told him it was a dead cat that died of AIDS and asked him to throw it in the woods for me.”

Hands rose as reporters begged for their questions to be answered, hesitently, attorney Baez pointed toward a woman reporter in the front row.

“Casey, what about those 31 missing days. How do you explain that?” Casey’s face took a somber expression as she answered.

“Well, after I handed off the trash bag to that buffoon looking guy, I walked back to the house. I was so full of tears my eyes clouded. Somewhat blinded, I stepped on a shovel that was lying in the grass and the handle popped up hitting me in the head! I was knocked out for sometime and when I awoke I couldn’t remember anything. In fact, the first thing that popped into my mind was to get a really cool tattoo..and I did. But that hurt some, so I went out and drank alot for the next 31 days.”

Casey sipped some water and finished her confession before any taking any further questions.

“Oh yeah, That smell in my car. Well, for 31 days I didn’t change my underwear and I forgot, just leaving them in my trunk. It was hot. I was pretty gross during those 31 days of partying, so….”

At that point, Mr. Baez stepped up with his new book publisher and touted a book deal about the whole trial and subsequent confession.



21 Responses to “Casey Anthony Confesses! Offers Full Explanation Of Tragedy.”

  1. jj44

    Jul 7th, 2011

    bahahahah

    • if ubelieve this

      Jul 14th, 2011

      If ya’ll can’t see this is a joke interview,you’ll believe anything!! Come on folks! Do you believe that Jose Baez or the jail would really do this??? Let’s get real and get back to our lives and let this girl alone. The more attention we pay her the more her price tag goes up. She wants and loves the attention and we’re all feeding right into her. What’s done is done! Let’s all move on!!

  2. tami

    Jul 10th, 2011

    This is four (4) bags of GARBAGE.! Casey’s LIES have gotten her so much during her life. If this live confession is true, Casey has just proven to the world that she will continue to LIE her way through the reminder of her life. This time she is trying to sell her lies. Come on now, havent we all had enough of her lies? Dont buy into anymore of her lies (she will never tell the truth) AND do not buy (purchase) anything that she is a part of.

  3. lesa steingrube

    Jul 10th, 2011

    This is the most ludicris thing I have ev er heard. To bad you cant convict some one for being stupid and a really bad lier

    • Bargis

      Jul 10th, 2011

      Thanks Lesa!
      We do write ludricris every day! Funny, he never writes back. To to answer one of your suggestions, we did electrocute a writer who had bad spelling habits..yeah, he was a lier too!

  4. Roberta Crossfield

    Jul 10th, 2011

    That explanation is even more believeable than the garbage verdict handed down by a jury who seemed totally uninterested in any serious deliberation. Not one piece of evidence was called on for review. They were lazy and wanted to get out of Dodge. They did.
    I call that a dream jury. Tell them anything and they will buy it.

    Poor Caylee just got in the way.

    • Bargis

      Jul 10th, 2011

      Got to agree with you Roberta….Our storys are always believeable, even though they’re totally BS….

  5. A Proud Mother

    Jul 10th, 2011

    I cant say who did or didn’t kill this poor child. What I can say is I will not be buying any book or watching any movie about this. NO ONE should profit from the death of an innocent child!!!!

  6. George Vreeland Hill

    Jul 11th, 2011

    Casey Anthony is guilty of killing Caylee.
    There is no question about that.
    The jury let Caylee down.
    The evidence was there as were many unanswered questions.
    Why did Casey wait 31 days to report her daughter missing?
    Why was Caylee’s body in her car?
    Why did Casey lie to police so much?
    The jury voted guilty to lying (covering up), but not guilty to what she covered up.
    This does not make sense.
    The prosecution did a terrible job and they should not be allowed to work on another case again.
    The jury did even worse.
    Casey can now make money off of this as can the members of the jury.
    The defense team had a party after the not guilty verdict while Caylee sleeps in a grave.
    What a shame.
    I am,

    George Vreeland Hill

  7. Roberta Crossfield

    Jul 11th, 2011

    Right on Bargis.

    Either the Navy Seals or even better, the Massad Israeli commandos! If they can evacuate a cruise ship whose passengers are being held hostage, free passengers at an airport, the Olympic games, betcha they could make Tot Mom come clean.

    Of course, good luck on anybody being able to accomplish that Herculean feat!

    Casey feels she is worthy of all this attention but fails to grasp at what great expense and the death of her own child. I would be willing to bet she called Caylee “the brat”.

    Here you have the classic example of the child being the parent, (little Caylee), and the parent in fact wanting the full attention afforded to the child (Casey).

    Life has a way of working these things out and I doubt there is a single person on the face of the planet who would trade places with Casey Anthony and what is coming toward her for the rest of her life,

    Caylee was cremated.

    As others have said, what goes around comes around, and I personally hope that it comes back in spades

  8. Bargis

    Jul 11th, 2011

    Well said!

    People need to re-name Casey as ‘The Fish’ simply because the stink of her trunk will hang on her like a two-week old fish for the rest of her life!

  9. Romy

    Jul 15th, 2011

    its nice people are making a joke about what happened thats sad

  10. Roberta Crossfield

    Jul 17th, 2011

    What happened to the demure Ralph Lauren tailored 100% cotton shirts?

    Ol Casey back to the real Casey with her little hot pink polo shirt on as she is treated like a rock star being rushed out and off the property of the Orlando Jail.

    Here’s a news flash Casey! They couldn’t wait to be rid of you!!!!!

    Does Caylee have any part in this story anymore? it is going to take the best of the best to make Casey come clean? She is so removed from reality when it comes to telling the truth, I seriously doubt that Sigmond Froud would have a chance in Hell once it has frozen over to get through to her.

    Lying works for her. Manipulation works for her. Guess there is always the piper to pay down the road for all of us.

    You reap what you sow and I truly doubt Casey is going to have much of a fruitful harvest. Any money coming through her hands will disappear like water through her fingers. Then there is the issue of the hanger on leeches. Already seeing that part but it will get worse.

    Hey Casey, remember Caylee? Probably just a distant, unpleasant and bothersome memory. Oh well. Easy come. Easy go.

  11. Joe Papierz

    Aug 10th, 2011

    This is a reincarnation of The Baloon Boy. It’s all just smoke and mirrors.

  12. Jordan

    Aug 11th, 2011

    Bargis, you’re a tool.

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