by HMS Pantiliner on 16/07/11 at 8:12 amWashington – (SatireWorld.com)
Plans to recycle human ass-fat into aviation renewables got a big shot in the butt – er…arm! – today as US supermajors unveiled latest biofuel refining technology.
This sees billions of gallons of human bodily lard, siphoned off under existing liposuction procedures, turned into high-octane rocket fuel.
And the Presidential plane, Air Force One, could be the first to have its propulsion system upgraded to run on human crude if secret negotiations for Oprah’s love-handles are successful.
“It’s the ultimate in renewable energy,” an energy spokesperson in San Ramon commented today, “there’s already enough American ass lard to fire the next generation of space shuttles and fill every gas tank on the West Coast.”
Under Energy Department proposals the obese would be offered up to 20 cents per pound for their discarded gunk as well discounts on any subsequent post-lipoplasty plastic surgery.
The construction of a new generation of human crude refineries could generate one million new American jobs and excess production stored in Gulf of Mexico salt domes used in the Strategic Petroleum Reserve.
“Oprah could soon have her very own, dedicated salt dome!” entertainment industry sources advised today.
August delivery sweet light crude is currently trading at $97.24 a barrel on the New Pork Mercantile Exchange.