Obama’s Scareforce One To Be Powered By Biofuels From Human Liposuction Lipids
by HMS Pantiliner on 16/07/11 at 8:12 am
Air Force One pilot Col. Jeffery Langsdale says he's happy with the alternative 'flex-fuel' since 'The Odrama' flies more than any other president since Clinton. "We find fat harvested from Al Gore's recent butt liposuction procedure gives us the best economy...Sort of an old kick-in-the-ass propulsion boost!"
Plans to recycle human ass-fat into aviation renewables got a big shot in the butt – er…arm! – today as US supermajors unveiled latest biofuel refining technology.
This sees billions of gallons of human bodily lard, siphoned off under existing liposuction procedures, turned into high-octane rocket fuel.
And the Presidential plane, Air Force One, could be the first to have its propulsion system upgraded to run on human crude if secret negotiations for Oprah’s love-handles are successful.
“It’s the ultimate in renewable energy,” an energy spokesperson in San Ramon commented today, “there’s already enough American ass lard to fire the next generation of space shuttles and fill every gas tank on the West Coast.”
Under Energy Department proposals the obese would be offered up to 20 cents per pound for their discarded gunk as well discounts on any subsequent post-lipoplasty plastic surgery.
The construction of a new generation of human crude refineries could generate one million new American jobs and excess production stored in Gulf of Mexico salt domes used in the Strategic Petroleum Reserve.
“Oprah could soon have her very own, dedicated salt dome!” entertainment industry sources advised today.
August delivery sweet light crude is currently trading at $97.24 a barrel on the New Pork Mercantile Exchange.
Bargis
Jul 16th, 2011
Welcome HMS Pantiliner! We feel confident there won’t be any leaks around here!
HMS Pantyliner
Jul 16th, 2011
Like the pic caption!
Walter Bucket
Jul 16th, 2011
Suggest “Lard Stations” behind WalMart greeters. Then they will have more cash to spend on developing more lard.
Bargis
Jul 16th, 2011
..and a new WalMart slogan….’FLY THE FRIENDLY SKYS BY GETTING THE LARD OUT!’
Guess the biggest problem would be with fat collection, people like Al Gore would have to buy a smaller hat.
captain america
Jul 16th, 2011
….bout time we got some class around this site, even though
Bargis says “it all DEPENDS!”
Har….I’m wetting myself as I type…..
Should we have a Poll on who’s allowed to “take the piss”…
….guess not!
Bargis
Jul 16th, 2011
Now, calm down Cap…It ain’t often we get us some class on this here site.