Debbie Wasserman-Schultz Seeks Treatment For Tea Party Panic Attacks
by Steely Beast on 01/09/11 at 10:01 am
Thankfully, Debbie Wasserman-Schultz didn't try to climb a tree and eat ACORNS, though she claimed to be a Tea Party badgered squirrel critter.
Democratic National Chairperson, Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman-Schultz was tasered and taken to Perriwinkle Rest Home after friends and neighbors claimed she was delusional and a threat to herself and society.
Friends said she lately began called herself “the flying squirrel” though police were baffled at any connection between the nerdy fourty-year-old and anything resembling a squirrel, they did believe she was an socialist-environmentalist that perhaps tipped a bit too far to the port beam.
Witnesses say that prior to being tasered, DWS was wearing an aluminium foil hat and was outside her home shouting that Ann Coulter and the Tea Party was ruining the environment and they must be stopped at all costs. She also claimed American conservative talk show host Rush Limbaugh was hiding in her bedroom closet sending destructive brain waves to the world.
The closet was checked as a precaution, but only a partially inflated sex doll was found with a blindfold in place. Police took it into protective custody since it was wearing a gold wedding band, was partially deflated, and they suspect it might have been the subject of domestic violence incident.
Amid stacks of Al Gore environmentalist literature, stacks of UFO books, and bumper stickers that proclaimed meat as being dead, investigators found scores of photos of American conservative politicians with Hitler moustaches drawn in black felt tip pen, presumably by DWS.
Also handwritten notes were inscribed on the back of each photo, describing what DWS thought they might be consumming to contribute significan carbon emissions that would affect the environment. On one prominent conservative blogger’s photo, DWS had listed… uses coal, uses gasoline, drinks bourbon, likes women, and too uses too much electricity. It also listed the shoe size and the estimated dispersal of carbon based flatulence emitted daily.
The ‘Flying Squirrel,’ later positively identified as Wasserman-Shultz, is resting confortably in her padded cell and has been given a SpongeBob Squarepants coloring book, a soy based box of crayons, and some ACORNS.
Let’s Hear It!