Obama Visit Promises Aid to Muslims in Paterson,NJ after Storm; Causes Chaos As Air Corridors Shut Down!
by captain america on 05/09/11 at 9:37 amPaterson, New Jersey – (SatireWorld.com)
Thousands of Muslims and Bangladeshi democrat constituents in Paterson, turned out to welcome President Obama as he flew in to the lightly affected region in the wake of hurricane Irene promising aid, jobs, and extended unemployment benefits while leaving tens of thousands of air line passengers grounded in the NY/NJ metropolitan area while Vermonters were still searching for residents feared drowned in a state that was devastated.
A spokesman for the President said his snub of Vermont and hard hit New Hampshire had “nothing to do with the fact those states were identified with the White Mountains.”
Refusing to land at the local NJ air force base adjacent to the NJ Turnpike, as other presidents had done, Obama elected to land at Newark airport. That decision closed the entire metropolitan air corridor leaving thousands of passengers redirected to Pittsburg where they were forced to cool their heels and miss connecting flights.
“Having some drunk commercial pilot with a Tea Party affiliation was just too big a risk to take,” said White House press secretary Jay Blarney (sic) trying to justify the SNAFU.
(situation normal, all F****d Up)
Paterson, formerly known as ‘The Silk City’ in its hay day of the last century for it’s textile mills, has since become a democratic stronghold and melting pot for foreigners.
With a quick hop down the I-80 corridor it’s just minutes from the George Washington Bridge and serves as a convenient corridor for the lucrative drug trade both to and from NYC as well as stolen goods from truck hijackings, home invasions, and the transportation of illegal aliens.
The city has the largest population of Turks in the US, and the second largest Bangladesh population outside of NYC. The Muslim population consists of immigrants from Jordan,
Syria,Palestine and Lebanese.
Signs in Arabic promote Halai meat markets featuring goats and lamb who had their throats slashed in the basement, and Muslim holidays are celebrated in the public schools.
The last Catholic school closed in 2010 when Christianity, Christmas, and Jesus became irrelevant according to Imam Abdul El Ba-Boom who now heads up the school administration which teaches 30,000 students and caters to a population with 25 different languages.
When Obama and his motorcade drove into downtown Paterson he was greeted by a salvo of gunfire as the overjoyed populace fired off thousands of rounds from AK-47s into the air, with most landing in nearby Totawa, where several household pets were said to have been killed, cars aerated , and roof top satellite dishes destroyed.
Frequent flyers, trying to either get home before Labor Day, or trying to take advantage
of the extended weekend, were told their flights had to be diverted due to the President’s decision to land in Newark leading to a 5 hour delay in Pittsburg where stale ham sandwiches were going for $12.50, cigarettes for $15 a pack, and Corona Lite was sold out at $21 a bottle, plus the $3 recycling deposit.
What’s next for the Clueless President? Aides now say he will preempt the opening night of the NFL where last years Supper Bowl Champs the Green Bay Packers meet perennial challengers the New Orleans Saints to discuss the need for more union jobs, raises for school teachers, the end of partisan politics, the government take over of McDonalds to promote healthy eating, and a $25,000 subsidy for anyone willing to buy a Chevy Volt languishing on GM lots on an ‘as is’ basis as most of the batteries are dead.
The President did manage to get in a quick round of golf ignoring the ‘cart path’ only sign on the soggy Paterson municipal course, leaving torn up fairways and ragged greens which will require at least $125,000 in repairs before play is resumed later next month.
VP Joe Biden was overheard saying, “See…I told you we’d promote shovel ready jobs!
This is really a big F*****g deal!”