Al Gore Blames Global Warming as Divorce Heats Up ; Claims Even Tipper “the Iceberg” Beginning to Melt
by captain america on 08/09/11 at 5:53 amWhile some would claim no news is good news, it doesn’t pertain to the ever gaseous Al “Mr. Green” Gore, who insiders are saying is getting ‘overheated’ as his divorce appears to be going no where fast and will ultimately be decided by a family court judge and could
rest on ‘a hanging chad!”
Faced with becoming a ‘two time (ing) loser’, with his fate hanging in the hands of a judge appointed by a Republican Governor, Gore is said to be trying to move his case to California where after his separation from Tipper, his wife of 40 years, he purchased a sea side mansion said to consume 40,000 kilowatts of electric just to run the air conditioning, and 125,000 gallons of water just to maintain irrigation for the lush plantings around the olympic pool and majestic waterfall.
Gore has recently hosted re resurrected Governor Jerry ‘Moonbeam” Brown along with long time gal pal Linda Ronstadt in what neighbors have labeled ‘late night Bunga-Bunga-Bong parties’ with the trio engaged in heated discussions in the tree house Gore had built shortly after he closed the deal on the house.
“Al better slow down his life style,” said a neighbor who didn’t want to be identified as he was a Hollywood producer currently under investigation on child pornography charges and campaign contribution violations, “he’s bringing a lot of attention to this neighborhood. He may think he knows all about Global Warming, but believe me, everyone in this neighborhood has something to hide and we don’t need any of his heat!”
Gore is said to be under so much stress over the delayed divorce he is traveling with 5 private massage therapists. He’s contracted 4 Swedes, a Thai and a Pole figuring they could ‘handle’ all of the needs that he used to rely on hotel staff to provide.
The concerned neighbor said Gore appears to be especially fond of Sophie, the Polish expat who is also fluent in 4 Arabic languages and has gourmet experience in stuffing a Kielbasa where the sun don’t shine. “Not that I meant to peak through the bushes at the pool you understand,” said the informant.
Gore seems to be at the breaking point recently calling climate skeptics “Racists”, a term now liberally (sic) bandied about by liberals to describe anyone who doesn’t agree with their hysterical progressive agenda.
“I don’t understand the man,” said another Hollywood connected neighbor who has been divorced 6 times, “he’s made millions from being a loser and promoting anything from solar powered dildos, to faulty solar panels, to a hedge fund specializing in Chinese Dog Food and Drywall….he could give her $50B and just move on….I don’t get it!”
A spokesman for Gore said the now obese Gore, who resembles Herman Goering shortly before he poisoned himself in Military Custody after WWII, had recently turned down an offer to join Dancing with the Stars, but is still mulling over a chance to appear on the realty show “The World’s Biggest Losers” with Michael Moore, Rosie O’Donnell, Oprah, and Piers Morgan, the latter who has an over inflated opinion of himself.
Tipper Gore, who has remained silent during the drama, was recently seen having a late night breakfast with Tiger Woods outside of Orlando at an IHOP shortly before a Waste Management Truck was scheduled to pick up the dumpster.
More as somebody gets it.