by captain america on 20/09/11 at 9:51 amIndianapolis, IN – (SatireWorld.com)
The Indianapolis Colts, 0-2 for the first time in over a decade, have reached out to retired Quarterback Icon Doug Flutie in order to try and save their season!
Franchise Q-Back Peyton Manning is out for the season, and despite 3 controversial neck surgeries his career could be over.
Some doctors are skeptical that Manning’s choice to have risky stem cell treatment and a spine fusion involving cadaver parts a ‘desperate last chance.’
While most fusion recipients chose to have a part of their hip removed and used for the fusion, the Pencil Necked Manning elected to go with a 2 foot neck section from a dead giraffe.The 6’3 Manning, now listed as 6’12 in the Colts media guide, said when he returns he will have ‘better perception as I look down field.”
The section of the cadaver was delivered by private jet arranged by the Colts after a world wide search located the dead giraffe next to a watering hole in Kenya, ironically by yet another Obama kin searching for firewood to heat his hut.
“As soon as I saw it, I thought of Peyton,” said Jamal ‘Kalish” Obama IX, an avowed Colts fan.
While Jamal thought using animal bones in intricate operations was strange, Kenyans usually just use them in stylish body piercing, access to the internet since his cousin Barry Obama was elected US president, exposed him to the Discovery, National Geographic and Monday Night Football venues which documented medical advances and showcased American football.
The Colt’s interim panic pick at QB, the 38 year old Kerry Collins, has been almost as bad as the Viking’s retread, Donovan McBadd(sic). The Colts have struggled on offense, and now find themselves in a deep hole looking up at the rest of the league.
The 49 year old Flutie, Heisman Trophy Winner, and a fierce competitor in both the Canadian Football League (CFL) and the NFL proved his mettle numerous times as he
defied all odds to become a ‘winner’ despite his 5’10” stature which many coaches said would not let him be successful as a professional.
Said one of his former coaches, and fan, New England Patriots coach Bill Bellichick, “he could probably help the Colts at this point. He’s so small that when he drops back to pass the defense can’t see him, and he’s always a threat to run behind one of those big lard ass linemen. He’s not a bad kicker, either!”
During his last appearance with the Pats before he retired, Flutie DROP KICKED the extra point, a feet(sic) not seen in the NFL since December 21, 1941, which earned him a standing ovation from fans in the stadium, as well as hundred’s of thousands in pubs around Boston!
Said Flutie when reached by phone, ” Hell yeah, I’ll give it a shot. I’m in great shape, and it’s only for 14 games, unless we get to the Super Bowl!”
Flutie, who loves the game and the competition, said contract details have not been worked out, but that “they can pay me anything…I’d even show up for free just so I can show ’em how the game should be played, not like these prima donnas today who have a penchant for ladies underwear!”
Toni(sic) Romo was unavailable for comment as his press agent said he was undergoing
treatment for a cracked rib and body hair removal prior to his photo shoot for Vogue.