by Bargis Tryhol on 25/09/11 at 1:41 pmPOLICE INVESTIGATE DUAL MYSTERIES!
Special Late Edition-Hog Jaw Gazette and Executioner
Hog Jaw police responded late yesterday afternoon to two very strange incidents. Reportedly, one seems to be a ‘missing’ woman and the other were multiple reports of a gigantic chicken observed driving down Main Street just before dark.
The official sheriff’s report claims the remnants of a woman’s dress, blouse, and undergarments were found stuck to a freshly painted bench in front of the local bus station. Sheriff’s deputys questioned municipal worker Henry ‘Maple’ Syrup and detained him after he claimed, quote, ‘That he didn’t look!’
Due to the mental condition of poor Maple Syrup, police will release him in the morning but warned him not to leave town.
The other incident seems to be more perplexing as dozens of Hog Jaw residents told police of observing a giant chicken driving down Main Street shortly before dark.
One eyewitness, Cletus Morgan, a local trucker, claims a large, scary creature almost attacked him a few weeks back over at Bernie’s Truck Stop and Truck Wash…”Oh yes, there are really scarey big things out there and that chicken definitely was one of them!”
Professor Shemp Gordon thinks he knows what it might be and relayed a part of local lore to defend his assumption….”Radiation. Yup, I’m a thinkin’ radiation might have caused some chickens to get really big because of mutations.”
Professor Gordon went to explain that back in the mid 1950s, over in neighboring Possum Snout County, there was a kid who was considered a science whiz. 17 year old Charles ‘Chuck’ Roast excelled at every science project in the state of Arkansas and reportedly was in the midst of building a really big and secret high school science project that went horribly wrong.
Gordon: “We figure that darn kid built his self a homemade atomic bomb and it accidently went off on November 8th, 1955. Damn near leveled downtown Possum Snout! Left a crater at his family farm so big it later became what we now refer to as Atomic Lake and Recreation Area! Fool boy was vaporized of course, so he can’t defend his self, but I tell ya, that radiation shit was caused that there big chicken we’d all seen last night!”
Police have advised all residents that if they spot the mysterious chicken not to touch it but to call authorities at 304-555-1212.
IN OTHER NEWS…New resident Father Francois Dubois announced last night that he is holding a special prayer vigil in hopes of redeeming the soul of the large chicken that’s possibly tainted with God hating radiation. Donations at the door are accepted.
Go to Chapter 6 Magazine section