by captain america on 07/10/11 at 5:22 amNew York City – (SatireWorld.com)
Embattled Bank of America (press 3 for English) announced today it was cutting off Michelle Obama’s credit line after an appraiser wiped out $50B in equity on the value of the White House!
The Obama’s, who opened a line of credit with the multi-cultural banking empire shortly before it acquired the now bankrupt mortgage company Countrywide, received the line under favorable rates afforded as a ‘friend of Angelo Mozilo” the mortgage guru who helped set the mortgage crisis on fire, in a “Zulu” mortgage: Zero Down, Undocumented applicant, Low credit, Unlimited overdrafts, with a cash equity line of $15B, or $3.75B a year to cover the first lady’s travel and entertainment expenses.
Tiffany’s announced recently that Michelle’s outstanding balance of $2.5M far exceeded the $500,000 avidly reported on former republican House Speaker Newt Gringrich’s wife’s addiction to hard rocks and baubles.
It was also reported hat Michelle had backed at least three (3) fledgling African American ‘dress designers’ in Chicago, all of whom have gone bust citing “unfair competition from China’ after receiving hundred’s of thousands in advance clothing deposits not to mention since defaulted ‘Green Loans” for building lavish salons powered by solar panels, and driving Chevy Volts, leaving the first lady to travel around the world in hastily fashioned wraps thrown together from the drapes in the offal office and the Lincoln bedroom!
At least $150,000 has been spent on stylish 6 inch belts from the hides of endangered species the first lady has taken to wearing above her navel, and just below her breasts in an effort to distract photographers from noticing that she has a ‘really fat ass,’ as Hillary Clinton was heard to remark to Janet Napilatano during an African Gold Coast fashion show in the Rose Garden earlier this summer fetchingly called “Booty in Botswana.”
In earlier investigative reporting on Satire World, it was revealed that Michelle had burned up $450k in Air Force flight time, plus an undisclosed amount on Safari expeditions for herself and 22 close ‘senior staff’ and family members which cost at least another $500k, almost all picked up by Taxpayers.
Secretary of the Treasury Tim Geithner said the current situation was ‘far below crisis level.” He indicated with 30 year mortgage rates now dipping below 4% , lowest since the 30′s, there would not be a problem in refinancing the Obama’s debt, including a lucrative
“Cash Out’ stimulus to carry the family thru at least 2012, at which time the debt would
‘probably be forgiven by acting President Joe Biden prior to turning over the administration to the Republicans early in January.”
According to Michelle’s travel agent, the first lady has plans to look for a summer home in Brussels, a penthouse close to the UN in NYC, a beach front home in Dubai, and a shore front fortress in Somalia and will spend the rest of this year and next leading up to the election traveling around looking at property “that will maintain our life style as we move into retirement.”
According to the New Yorker Magazine, Michelle is said to be banking on an advance from
Simon and Schuster for her 2 book deal including her autobiography, “I’m Black and Don’t Have to Pay Nothin’ Back’ and an inside look at living in the White House entitled “Why I love the Home Shopping Network and Support Deficit Spending” co-authored with Barney Frank.(D,Gay, MA)
Kmart has denied that there is a deal on the table to sign Michelle to replace aging diva
Martha Steward as it’s home furnishing spokesman saying abruptly, “the bitch has no taste, let her front for Wal Mart…she’s got the ass for it!”
Whoopi Goldberg, who recently announced that she is allowed to use the “N” word, but white people, including Bill Clinton can’t, said she has lost faith in the Obama’s due to their
mindless spending. “Back where I come from,” she said, ” we call those kind Nigger Rich!”
Chris Mathews, Keith Olbermann, Jesse Jackson, Charlie Wrangle (sic), and Al Sharpton all called her comments “racist rants from a known Hymie!”