Iranian Government’s ‘Monkey Into Space’ Launch Fails

by on 14/10/11 at 8:46 am

Moments before the fiery crash, ground crews heard a loud 'Aboo-Jaboo' over the launch center speaker. An Iranian government spokesman says it was nothing, merely monkey talk meaning 'Oh Shit!'

Tehran, Iran – (

The Iranian Space Agency had a major failure in their space programlast month, failing to launch a Rhesus monkey into space. Mohammed the Flying Monkey died in the launch when a major system flaw doomed both rocket and monkey.

The Ayatollah Assahola calmed concerned Iranians by promising there will be 72 virgin monkeys available for little Mohammed waiting in monkey heaven.

The Iranian Space Agency’s statement was given by Deputy Science Minister Mohammad Mehdinejad-Nouri, “The Kavoshgar-5 rocket carrying a capsule with a live animal was launched during Shahrivar,” an Iranian calendar month spanning August 23 to September 22.

“However, the launch was not publicised as all of its anticipated objectives were not accomplished,” Mehdinejad-Nouri told reporters.

He said the launch of a live animal into space was “strategic, and a priority,” and expressed hope that future launches with men in the rocket would attain more of the objectives set.

The report goes on to note that Iran did successfully launched animals into space in 2010: a Kavoshgar-3 rocket carrying a rat, two turtles, a worm, and an old and senile Ayatollah dude who later claimed it was the best ride he had since he dallied with Gosha in an olive garden one evening back in 1954.

Leave a Reply