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“Cartel Tunnel Syndrome” Undermines Napolitano’s Claim US Borders “Safer than Ever!”

by captain america on 16/10/11 at 1:08 pm

Washington, DC – (SatireWorld.com)

Despite daily discoveries of mining operations under the state of Arizona along the Mexican Border, Homeland Security (sic) Chief Janet Napolitano still says American Borders are much safer than under the Bush Administration.

Just last week a sanitation truck, a commuter bus, a pizza delivery boy and a truck carrying 1200 cases of Corona were swallowed by sink holes after Mexican Cartel mines collapsed in some of Arizona’s major cities.

The latest episode was uncovered in a municipal parking lot serviced by parking meters.
A sharp eyed commuter noticed that a square of concrete, at least 6 inches thick, seemed to have been carved out of the middle of the parking space.

After a 94 delay, investigators from Homeland Security admitted that the strange square was actually a trap door leading to a tunnel heading for Mexico.

According to reports retrieved under the Freedom of Information Act, it appears that the
Tunnelers managed to use a concrete saw to cut out access to the parking spot on the US side of the border, and then fed bales of drugs into special vans that had an access port cut into the body of the van.

Local officials went on to discover at least 25 more of the covert hatches and belatedly noticed that the meters on those parking spots had returned more than $5,000 each in quarters during the past several months while others barely raked in $275, mostly in slugs.

Locals who had witnessed the concrete cutting in broad daylight assumed it was just part of Obama’s TARP funding to keep Union Junkies on the payroll in do nothing jobs.

“Looked normal to me, ‘said one taxpayer, “one guy on the saw and 6 guys standing around supervising, smoking and having a brew in a brown paper bag. Who Knew?”

The delay in discovering the elaborate smuggling operation has been traced to a disclaimer from Energy Czar, Harvard Graduate, and Nobel Prize winner Steven Chu, who, reacting to reports involving ‘clouds of concrete dust covering parts of Arizona’ claimed it was just another manifestation of Global Warming that Al Gore had been warning about.”

Reacting to the discovery, Homeland Security has removed all parking meters from the offending lots saying, “We’re not accepting anymore drug money from Mexico, from now on if they want to bring this stuff in here, they’ll have to do it for free!”

Meanwhile Cartels members are pleading with the Department of Justice not to send any more ‘free guns’ across the border. According to a spokesman for the Zeta’s, there are so many Obama Funded automatic weapons flooding the market that even innocent civilians are starting to arm themselves to protect them from the drug cartels as well as corrupt police and politicians.

A Zeta spokesman, identified only as Colonel Mao said, “this has got to stop…if it doesn’t it could lead to a blood bath in Mexico…I think someone in Washington should lose their head over this F***k Up…no question, heads should roll!”

White House spokesman Jay Blarney (sic) said that “Cartel Tunnel Syndrome’ is covered under Obamacare which insures that those suffering from the affliction will soon be retired under a full disability allowance and unavailable to appear before a House Subcommittee investigating ‘institutional lack of common sense.”