Mexican President Blames Lack of Tourism on Citizens ‘Who Have Just Lost Their Heads and Are Hanging Around!”
by captain america on 16/10/11 at 1:31 pmMexico City, Mexico – (SatireWorld.com)
Mexico’s President Felipe Calderon, who has backed his country’s law suit against Arizona for instituting tough “illegal” alien laws, now says his country’s tourism is suffering due to a nationwide breakdown of law which has led to anarchy.
With the bloody death toll in the country now surpassing 41,000, and places to stash the bodies running out, victims have been left hanging lifeless from bridges, lamp posts, dumped on the main streets of major cities, and left in swimming pools at exclusive resorts including Acapulco.
Calderon blames American’s reluctance to fund the health, education, welfare and drug habits of aliens with criminal felony records with the increased murder rate.
“Before, how you say, American Justice, we ‘encouraged’ our bad eggs to head north of the border, giving them $50, a jug of water and a bus ticket. Now, with the economic crisis, when even some liberals are seeing the light when they can’t get hospital care, and the schools are over crowded with people who can’t speak english, these Chupacabra’s are all coming home to roost! Madre Dios…it’s more than one man should be forced to endure!”
“Not only is our economy collapsing, ” said the embattled Presidente, “but even our tunnel network is imploding,” referring to recent reporting on underground tunnels from Mexico leading into Arizona and Texas near his country’s borders.
Calderon in a national address utilizing 4 teleprompters declared a ‘new initiative’ to ‘shore up our mining industry, put unionized mine workers back to work, and bring prosperity back to the proud country that spawned great patriots like Santa Ana, Poncho Villa and Tila Tequila while taking on bullies like “Black Jack” Pershing, Davie Crockett and Governors Rick Perry and Jan Brewer.”
Calderon, who rarely appears in public due to security concerns, is said to spend his days in an underground bunker in an undisclosed location in Texas connected to the capital of Mexico City by an underground high speed railroad paid for with US foreign aid and championed by Head Conductor, VP Joe Biden.
Calderon also took to task the Obama administration over their loose policy of supply guns, grenades, tanks, missiles, flame throwers and scud missiles to Mexican cartel members. “Tell that Holder guy,” he said, ” read my lips, ‘NO MORE WEAPONS’, it’s so bad over here even innocent civilians are starting to arm themselves…this is very, very, bad for business and in violation of the NAFTA trade agreement…if it doesn’t stop soon, tell those “Occupy Wall Street” idiots it’ll be Hasta La Loco Weed for them…see how the Democrats like that when they come down from their drug induced fantasies and turn on
the community organizers who can’t supply their habits!”
Nancy Pelosi was unavailable to comment on Calderon’s speech, with her Chief of Staff saying she was out touring Medical Marijuana Dispensaries checking on long term supplies in order to prevent yet another California Catastrophe where voters would be forced to wait in line to receive prescribed mind numbing drugs under The Obamacare Mandate.