The Incredible Shrinking Penis: Global Warming Blamed Again by Mad Scientists!

by on 17/10/11 at 9:29 am

"Mine use to be this long. Then, I became president and, well, now I'm not such the big shot any longer."

Seattle, WA – (

Well, just when you thought you had heard it all and regretted sleeping through Biology class, new claims have emerged from Global Warming Alarmists who upon finding they couldn’t see their PUD when bending over to put their Birkenstocks on, now blame their loss of man hood on nature and rising temperatures.

A ‘scientific study’ from Singapore, of all places, reports that for the past 50 years, as a result of rising temperatures all manner of species, from plants, to mammals to marine life have been shrinking, in order to adapt to rising temperatures around the globe.

The world’s population growth has also slowed, notably amongst whites, although birth rates seem undeterred amongst Blacks and Muslims who may have found a way to combat penile shrinkage known amongst anthropologists as ‘The White Man’s Burden.”

The study found that for every 1 degree rise in the Celsius temperature, we all shrink in varying degrees; plants from 3-17%, mammals from 4% and fish up to 22%!

The report went on to state that over the past 50 years, all manner of life has down sized
remarkably, saying that is nature’s way to compensate for the rising temperatures, lack of water, and the need to ‘bulk up’ to endure winter’s extreme climate conditions.

“Those species that adapt by shrinking will survive, those that don’t will be lost forever,” the report concludes.

This may account in part, for the continued popularity for sex toys, according to Human Sexuality Expert Bargis Tryhol during an interview with Dr. Ruth on ‘Sex TV.”

“Due to a generic quirk, I’ve not been affected, but in my studies and travels, I have concluded that most men are indeed shrinking in the performance department. In my opinion, if this phenomenon keeps occurring, and men lose 4% of their length and girth a year we’ll become a nation of pussies by 2025, 2013 in the UK, especially if you are white.”

Said Al Gore, recently divorced from his wife over issues of impotence said forlornly,
“Well, that’s it guys…I guess we all going be F******d eventually!

Debbie Wasserman Schultz was said to be over the moon with the news saying, “finally, gender equality and Pussy Power in our life time!”

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