by captain america on 21/10/11 at 8:31 amNew York City – (SatireWorld.com)
The 113 day lock out of NBA players continued yesterday, threatening to cancel the 2011-2012 schedule as players refused a 50-50 split of revenue, insisting on taking 52% from their employers ‘as only fair and because we want it!”
A spokesman for the players union, there are 450 hoopsters, said the players have now vowed to join the 99 percenters in their ‘occupy Wall Street’ campaign against ‘fat cat owners,
corrupt memorabilia salesmen, and greedy hot dog vendors who have profited off our talents while we struggle with child support payments, traffic citations, paternity suits, unpaid gambling debts and fire arms violations!”
The NBA is the most lucrative league as far as players salaries are concerned, with the average take home listed as $4.79M a year, or $92K a week.
Following in second place is MLB then the corrupt Indian Cricket League (IPL), and the English Premier Football (sic) league, the NFL and the NHL.
Kobe Bryant of the Los Angeles Lakers manages to scrape by on $21.26M, and in a fit of largess has offered to loan ‘living expenses’ to fellow players who can’t make ends meet on $5m or less a year, due to the lockout.
While protestors are rising up against capitalism, it was announced this week that the region surrounding Washington, DC, the home of government no cut contracts, out of control pensions and benefits has the lowest unemployment rate in the country.
In addition, government workers now rake in an average of $123,000 a year compared to $61,000 for private sector workers doing similar jobs, only better and more efficiently.
While private sector jobs have suffered since the Obama Administration came into power, government added over 100,000 Federal jobs as the Chicago Political Machine continues to sign up ‘workers’ to insure their strangle hold on government and the voting box.
While no players have yet to show up and live in a tent on Wall Street, several stars said they are prepared to show their solidarity by holding press conferences to support the protestors and at the very least send some surrogates to the events handing out signed photographs and monogramed used sweat socks to their “fans who understand the agony we as players are going through.”
President Obama is said to be ‘devastated’ that “1% of the NBA millionaire owners club refuse to share their wealth with those less fortunate, and their action sets race relations back centuries to the days of Rich Plantation Owners!”
The lock out is now said to be causing tremendous marital stress to many of the players, the latest ‘tragic’ example being the apparent marriage break up between NJ Nets player Kris Humphries and Bollywood Boobette, Kim Kardashian after only 8 weeks.
Said Kim to friends after seen stepping out with 31 year old Ashton Kutcher, “I never in my life thought I’d get married to a dead beat who couldn’t at least bring in a few million a year to pay to pay the light bill and put some jewelry on the table!”
Humphries, said to be devastated over his lack of a paycheck, and now the loss of his barely broken in wife, has been seen recently being comforted by Demi Moore, the 48 year old temptress said to be worth $98M in her own right.
According to friends of Humphries the 6’9″ basketballer and former record holding swimmer, said he learned a lot from the recent NBA negotiations.
“Hey, Dude,” he said, “if Demi will take me in, I’m willing to accept 42% of what she has, I ain’t greedy you know, it’s only fair, innit, I’m in me prime, and she’s going over the hill, what she need all that money for, EH?”