by Johnathon Sebastian-Kent on 23/10/11 at 5:54 amSpoofland – (SatireWorld.com)
Being a Colonel Juan fan has its ups and downs and being the number one Spoof fan of all time, Edna Smithers spent hundreds of hours each week reading all his Cheryl Cole stories and following every word he wrote in the forums. Yes, she dreamed of the day she would meet her golden idol…But little did she know a dream come true could be dashed to pieces just as easily.
Last week Ms. Smithers, age 54, was truly the the world's number one Stuart Kerr fan (Colonel Juan’s real name). Most of her friends said she was a middle-aged groupie who was impressed with Kerr’s work and subtle humor. In August of this year Smithers finally met her idol at a Spoof Fan Festival sponsored by the site where writers could meet readers and those behind the scene too.
During the event there was a chance for fans to purchase a raffle ticket with the hopes of winning a date with their favorite writer, in Smithers case it was Stuart Kerr. Yes, her hopes were pinned on winning a date with Kerr, the avid spoof writer, who dazzled many young girls with his artistic flair. His uncanny boasts about his ability to have 17 orgasms in a single night, his superiority to any mere mortal, and how he, is the only man in Britain who can touch the back of his mostly bald head with his tongue!
As fate would have it, Edna Smithers was the grand prize winner and not only met Stuart Kerr, but went out on the town with him as part of the surprise date.
Within ten minute of departing in the limo, Kerr showed off not only his class, but his wizardly abilities by unzipping and waving his magic wand at Smithers…The magical effect had Ms. Smithers’ clothing completely off and in a pile on the plush limo floor within minutes.
Nude, and now so close to the person she’s idolized for the past few years, Edna became extremely exited, then immediately passed out. The heady rush of fame and sex being so close, and the fact it was the first time she ever was nude in front of a man in all her 54 years, was just too much of an emotional shock for the post prime groupie.
Fearing his number one fan had a heart attack, Kerr did what any good, upstanding English gentleman bred from true British blue blooded stock would do….He summoned the driver to pull over, then quickly dumped the nude Ms. Smithers out onto the sidewalk. Fearing discovery, he hastened the driver to turn out his lights and leave at once.
A few hours later, Hoopta Gupta, an Indian grocery merchant, found Ms. Smithers lying in a heap and took her back to his seedy apartment where he administered an old Indian remedy that he knew would be sure to restore her to consciousness.
The 'Indian hot beef injection' not only woke Ms. Smithers, she was immediately transformed into Hoopta Gupta's number one groupie.
What happened to the famous Stuart Kerr? Well, he simply went home and wrote a stupid spoof story about how great he was, had a cheap beer, and wanked off thinking about Gay Gary.