Pay Toilets With A Privacy Twist…$.50 To Close The Door!

by on 03/11/11 at 7:02 am

Bargis claims the toughest bathroom days are immediately after Cinco de Mayo when 'the old loo' really gets a workout after wannabee Mexican food junkies purge their systems...'We bring in extra staffers to clean up.'

Havana, Florida – (

Bowing to recent criticisms concerning its bathroom facities, toilet tissue, hand towel supplies and ongoing labor relation issues, SatireWorld’s Bargis Tryhol has instituted a fresh bold approach in offering his writers the best in public restroom accoutrements…Free public toilets with a slight twist!

According to Tryhol…”For years the ungrateful employees of SatireWorld demanded premium products for use in their lavatory. Expensive two-ply toilet tissue! Real soap in the hand soap dispenser! Unlimited hand towels! C’mon! What’s wrong with inexpensive dishwashing soap?”

Recent labor negotiations dragged on for months over issues like shaded parking spots, window desks, and yes, upgrading the toilet facilities. Citing an inspiration he noted on a recent trip to North Korea, Bargis Tryhol found a way to give back and yet, cover his ass over the additional expense.

“We reviewed all options and decided that proper bathroom facilities were really a basic human right and we have spent millions providing our employees with the very best in places to park their ass while taking a crap. We also learned from the Democratic Peoples Republic that modesty isn’t really considered a basic human right. So for those who desire it, we have added a coin slot mechanism that once activated by dropping two quarters will allow the door to be closed in the stall-less bathroom!”

According to Tryhol, the added revenue stream from the ‘.$50 To Close The Door’ program will completely pay for all rest room renovations in about 1 year.

Tryhol offered a few additional remarks before heading to the executive toilet in the posh executive lounge, “Our employees love it! Instead of crowding around the water cooler wasting time, many of them now stand next to the bathroom doorway to see who’s a cheap ass or who’s a real exhibitionist. See, another added perk for our employees!”

Tryhol has asked its 250 member staff to share and allow enough time for others to use the one-toilet facility, especially in the morning after coffee break.

In a recent publicity photo, Tryhol plays up the new facilities by pointing to a sign which is displayed above the rest room mirror….”Little Johnnie says….Be a good neighbor…Wipe real good and keep a clean asshole.”

One Response to “Pay Toilets With A Privacy Twist…$.50 To Close The Door!”

  1. Throckmorton P. Turdblossom

    Nov 3rd, 2011

    I got the desk next to the bathroom door, and generally complain about the smell.

    Now, I’m about to rent that desk out as priority seating when Lady Godiva goes to the pisser.

    Who bids $20?

Leave a Reply