Hitchens Meets Kim Jong II; It Doesn’t Go Well!
by captain america on 19/12/11 at 8:34 am
After passing through the Pearly Gates, Kim Jong Il meets some his promised 72 Celestial Virgins who just completed manuveurs against a group of capitalist running dogs in south Heaven
Well, to say I was gobsmacked would be an understatement after running into “The Dear Leader’ unexpectedly in GOD’S waiting room!
The little North Korean BASTARD is even shorter and weirder than I imagined, especially after he was forced to remove his platform shoes and comb his hair before entering the foyer!
I’ll say one thing for the administration here; everyone starts out equal at least!
Jong was forced to leave his collection of videos outside the door, even though I wouldn’t mind watching “The Good, The Bad and the Ugly’ just one more time to remember what I left behind on earth!
He seemed quite confused and put out to find himself in such a serene and tropical setting, with abundant food, and even his favorite Cognac available to greet supplicants, but upset when informed he would have to settle for farm raised shrimp from Thailand instead of his favorite Maine Lobsters from Beals Island.
He made his entrance clutching Barack Obama’s Auto Biography, version number two, which he was in the process of reading when North Korea officials said he succumbed, at the age of 69, allegedly ‘dying of boredom.’
Apparently he must have been reading in bed as he was still wearing his grey pajamas, an affectation he assumed after studying Hugh Hefner, the aging pedophile who at the age of 97 still fancies blonde bimbos with inflated breasts, small brains, and a penchant for exposing themselves in public.
At least give Jong some credit for taste. It is said he had an obsession with Elizabeth Taylor. Of course, this would be showing good taste in her youth, but in her current state would be considered somewhat gauche, necrophilia being outlawed in most western states and even frowned on by most, if not all, of the British Royal Family.
Oh, and about yesterday. It seems that on ‘the seventh day’ GOD rests, so for those of you who didn’t cover the spread in the Bronco/Patriots game, I can only apologize for my prediction of a fourth quarter victory for Tim Tebow. Seems THE BOSS was other wise preoccupied arranging for Jong’s imminent arrival and lost track of the game in the second quarter.
He was involved in the first quarter game plan when Denver ran over the Pats for 142 yards and an early lead, but then got side tracked attempting to arbitrate a disagreement between Mitt Romney and Newt Gingrich over one of the 10 commandments, something to do with ‘coveting’ or something.
Despite the Broncos getting drubbed after committing 3 costly turnovers leading to 17 points, Tebow deported himself well, both on an off the field, showing him to be a good representative for HIM; full of honest humility, good sportsmanship, and a gracious loser.
GOD was overheard saying, ” I wish we had more politicians like him around!”
From GOD’S lips to Obama’s Ears.(no pun intended)
I’m still holding the ticket they gave me when I checked in. The queue seems to be getting a bit shorter, and I am hopeful to get in to see THE MAN either late today, or early tomorrow morning.
At any rate, I hope it’s before December 23, because I heard GOD and staff are taking a 17 day
holiday break to go windsurfing in Hawaii, and even I am beginning to get slightly put out over the long wait, not to mention the flagrant expenses reported about the junket…over $4m at last account.
Even GOD should somehow be accountable…after all, he’s not the PRESIDENT!
I feel another scathing column coming on concerning organized religion, timely I believe, as there are rumours the Pope will soon be arriving for an audience . I’m not sure that will go smoothly and I sure wouldn’t want to be in the Pontiff’s shoes!
There go the chimes again. Afternoon ‘TEA’, so soon after the Champagne Brunch…but I guess I’m in no position to complain.
Oooops….I just accidentally stepped on Jong’s rice bowl…guess he’ll just have to learn to go hungry!
Talk Later.
More as I get it.
Let’s Hear It!