by Jalapenoman on 20/12/11 at 3:54 pmOklahoma City, OK – (SatireWorld.com)
Population experts have determined that half of the population of the state of Oklahoma will be in the state of Arizona on New Year’s Day. Mark Harrison, with the Census Bureau, said that “this is not due to their having better parties in Phoenix or because of the weather. It’s all because of football.”
The Oklahoma Sooners are scheduled to play in the Insight Bowl in Tempe on the evening of the 30th of December. Oklahoma State is scheduled to play in the Tostito’s Fiesta Bowl in Glendale on the evening of the 2nd of January. Some of the population will actually be in Texas for Tulsa’s bowl game in Dallas on the 30th, but they are a Conference U.S.A. team, so no one that doesn’t go to the school really gives a crap about them.
The few people not going out of state to one of the bowl games (mostly students and alumni from Oral Roberts University and Phillips University) will be expected to bring in the mail, pick up the newspapers off of the lawns, water the indoor plants, feed the pets, and flush to toilets for everyone going out of state.
Politicians in Arizona are demanding that the government use census data from New Year’s Eve or New Year’s Day to determine their number of House seats in the next redistricting as “all them Okies in town ought to give us a couple more Congressman at least.”
Stores in the state are stocking up in preparation of the Oklahoma influx. “We’re bringing in more cheap beer and pork rinds,” said Abe Applebaum of Albertson’s Grocery Stores. “We are also looking at stocking levels from our Tulsa and Oklahoma locations to see what other redneck type foods we need to put on our shelves. I understand that we’ll have to bring possum into the meat market, but I’m not sure any of our local butchers know how to cut or trim it.”