Dwarf Tossing Suspected in Kim Jong Il Demise: Pelosi and Szarkozy Vie for ‘Shortest Dictator” Crown!
by captain america on 21/12/11 at 11:03 amCiting ‘unexplained’ bruises on recently deceased North Korean dictator Kim Jong Il’s tiny head, western intelligence analysts now suspect the dare devil dictator was a victim of his own
believe in immortality and a drunken ‘dwarf tossing’ contest gone terribly wrong!
At 5’2 Jong was amongst the world’s shortest power brokers affected by ‘little dog syndrome’, surpassed only by US former Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi at 5’1, California Senator Barbara Boxer at an even 5′ and former Italian PM Silvio Berlusconi, and besieged French President Nicholas Sarkozy, both optimistically listed at 5’5″.
Amongst other reality show stars Snooki at 4’9″ and Kim Kardashian at 5’2″, Jong was ‘a giant on the world stage,” according to a glowing obituary by 5’1″ Wendy Sherman, undersecretary of state for political affairs , the third highest ranking diplomat in the US State Department.
Said Sherman, who praised the pint sized dictator in a press release from the White House as ‘a person you could look up to” (sic) hailed him as ‘erudite, funny, charismatic, a quick problem solver with a keen sense of humour.”
Sherman pointed to Jong’s North Korea’s solution of overpopulation by starving the people to death under the guise of moving them ‘forward’ from the 21st century back to the 14th as evidence of his pragmatism in the face of self inflicted adversity.
Other short people with outsized egos and in positions above their mental stature, took note.
Joining in with the White House expressing their personal sense of loss were:
Tom Cruise: 5’7
Barney Frank: 5’7″
Dennis Kucinich: 5’7
Sonia Sotomayor: 5’4 (and still single)
Barbra Streisand: 5’4
Hillary Clinton: 5’6″
John Bercow: 5’6″
To honor the ‘dear leader’, the White House added a ‘holiday’ ornament to the 63′ lighted tree in Washington with a likeness of Jong with a halo around his head, and a set of angel wings. Jong now joins the “I love Obama” ornament on the “Holiday Tree,” formerly known as the “Christmas Tree’ commemorating Christianity, a religion now out of favour by progressive Democrats.
To commemorate the Dictator’s demise, Sung Myung Moon announced he will be holding a mass ceremony around the tree to marry over 4,569 Occupy Wall Street Demonstrators who met, fell in love, and got pregnant during the recent protests around the country.