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“It’s a Tribal Thing,” Says Michael Jordan Explaining Riots, Stabbings and Shootings over New Sneakers!

by captain america on 24/12/11 at 8:54 am

Detroit, MI – (SatireWorld.com)

“It’s going better than expected,” said a Nike executive as the death toll over the mad rush for the new Air Jordan high top sneakers was kept under 10 after stores opened at midnight to sell the urban gang bangers favorite footwear.

Police riot squads in 6 states in urban centers were called out in force after the marketing promotion led to violence, queue jumping, beat downs, a few stabbings, and in one location ‘shots fired.’

One woman was arrested after leaving her two children locked in a car for hours in an urban parking lot as she tried to be first in line to buy the ‘status’ footwear, sent there by her boyfriend
‘who could’t be arsed’ to wait in line his ownself.

“That’s what a bitch be fo’” said Muhammad Bin al-Johnson when questioned later by Home Services
officials after his children were taken from his sometime live in girl friend Sharika Mugabe O’Reilly.

The $180 dollar shoe, made in China for $1.29 US, even is being showcased on Ebay as some opportunistic capitalist is offering a size 10 for $1,000, not including shipping, and
stating they were ‘only worn onst.’

Some buyers, according to police reports, were not so lucky after all, as reports are pouring in of armed robbers scoring dozens of shoes from new owners at gun point.

Victims said they were accosted shortly after leaving the stores where they had purchased the shoes and forced to give them up and find their way home barefoot. “Bastards never even took my cell phone or I Pad…all they wanted was those damn shoes,” said one unlucky victim, just happy to be alive after he was jumped by a gang of Crips who threatened to cut his feet off at the ankles if he didn’t give his footwear up.

Meanwhile at a Denver Mall, 3,000 Tim Tebow fans held an orderly prayer meeting as they peacefully waited in line to buy their Number 15 Jersey prior to todays Denver Bronco game.

Denver riot police said they had no other choice but to disband the bunch using Pepper Spray and Tasers as the group prayed and sang Christmas carols.

“It was pretty scary out there,” said Police Lieutenant Muhammad al-Shaboom, “all those fanatics praying and singing….it could have gotten ugly and out of hand at any moment..we had to take preventative measures before one of our minority citizens sued the city, which could have cost
taxpayers a lot of F*****g money!”

Denver has been solidly controlled by progressive Democrats since 1963, and is comprised of Global Warming Believers, staunch supporters of the European Union and backed the Mayor’s decision to fly the American Flag at half staff in honor of the recent passing of Kim Jung Il.