What The Hell Is This Kwanzaa Thing Anyway?

by on 27/12/11 at 6:24 am

I once had a really sore Kwanzaa on my big toe, but after a few days of Wart-Off, it was gone.

Chicago, IL – (SatireWorld.com)

President Obama went on the airwaves today praising the celebration of Kwanzaa and wishing celebrants a ‘happy and healthy’ Kwanzaa. I’m not sure, but the last time I looked my Kwanzaa was looking pretty healthy. So, what the hell is Kwanzaa anyway?

So, here’s the story behind the story….Kwanzaa is a week-long celebration held only in the United States honoring universal African-American heritage and culture, observed from December 26 to January 1 each year. It features activities such as lighting a candle holder with seven candles, shoplifting, car jackings, and culminates in a feast and gift-giving of the shoplifted items. It was created by racist black nationalist Maulana Karenga and was first celebrated in 1966–67 in Folsom prison.

During the early years of Kwanzaa, Karenga said that it was meant to be an alternative to Christmas, that Jesus was ‘psychotic,’ and that Christianity was a white religion that black people should shun.

However, as Kwanzaa gained mainstream adherents, Karenga altered his position so that practicing Christians would not be alienated, then stating in the 1997 Kwanzaa: A Celebration of Family, Community, and Culture, “Kwanzaa was not created to give people an alternative to their own religion or religious holiday.” Almost 45 years later, most people consider Kwanzaa a ‘silly fringe event,’ with little or no ties to Christmas.

Just because Kwanzaa was made up by a racist black nationalist who was convicted of torturing two women who were part of his group “United Slaves,” because he thought they were hiding nonexistent “crystals” of poison meant to kill him doesn’t mean it’s not a legitimate holiday, right? Or how about the fact that actual Africans over in Africa have never heard of Kwanzaa? I could go on and on but I’m preaching to the Kwanzaa choir.

The real silly part is, retailers bought into the fabricated story hook, line, and sinker! Now, there are special Kwanzaa greeting cards, a line of specialty Kwanzaa dinners, even a Kwanzaa tree made out of re-cycled automobile tires. In certain states with a large black population, unions have called to make it a real paid holiday.

It makes you wonder that if in a few years, the old Seinfeld show about the fabled newly invented anti-Christmas holiday…Festivus, might somehow find it’s way as a competing holiday that will stretch the usual week-long event into a month or more!

Yes, today a million or more black children will be awakening today to the merry sound of ‘Happy Kwanzaa!’ not knowing it’s a bushwacked holiday invented by some screwball and furthered on by equally stupid politicians who really need just another group to pander to. For example….

The first official Kwanzaa stamp was issued by the United States Postal Service on October 22, 1997, with artwork by Synthia Saint James. In 2004, a second Kwanzaa stamp, designed by Daniel Minter, was issued; this has seven figures in colorful robes.

Imagine that! Some hate-filled dude dreams up a holiday after smoking a bowl of weed and now it’s on a postage stamp and twisted into some-kind of national African holiday that no one in Africa ever heard of!

Hmmmmm…. You just gotta love the stupidity of the politically correct masses.

5 Responses to “What The Hell Is This Kwanzaa Thing Anyway?”

  1. Captain america

    Dec 27th, 2011

    ….have you seen the new Air Jordan stamp with the AK 47?

  2. Mark Lowton

    Dec 27th, 2011

    This is the funniest site I’ve ever visited! Please come back and make my site funny again. Please? I’ll un-ban you all!

  3. Lady Godiva

    Dec 27th, 2011

    Kiss my sweet Kwanza Mark!

    On second thoughts, don’t bother, only my boyriend enjoys that privilege…..

  4. Captain america

    Dec 27th, 2011

    …..firstly. Let’s clear the air…NO MORE SPOOF FARTS….

    ….Whew…for the first time in my life I’m not ashamed to be a satire writer!

    …just say NO to toasted cheese sandwiches….

    Kazz. XX

  5. cjk

    Dec 26th, 2014

    Actually this Karenga guy sounds more moral that the profit Moe of Mohammedan fame.

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