by Jalapenoman on 02/01/12 at 8:32 amHOllywood, CA – (SatireWorld.com)
Women who agreed to tell the truth as part of a New Year’s Resolution have admitted that they really don’t like Chick Flicks. These romantic movies, often comedies starring Sandra Bullock or Julia Roberts, were thought to be highly popular among females. A survey of slightly inebriated women leaving parties after watching the ball drop, however, has revealed that this is not really true.
“Whenever I’m in a bod mood and want to get back at my husband for pulling some crap or saying something stupid, I make him feel guilty and take me to a romantic comedy or other five tissue drama,” admitted Helen Wages of Trenton, New Jersey. “Sure, I don’t care much for the movie, but it is fun to see him almost in physical pain as he watches something horrid take place on the screen.”
Over eighty percent of women surveyed closely matched this opinion. Norma Jennings or Atlanta said “I could care less about what disease Julia Roberts is dying from or whether or not Sandra Bullock manages to catch the man of her dreams. I just don’t want to go to some loud and mindless action flick starring people who can’t act and are covered with disgusting tattooes (like Vin Diesel). At least in a chick flick, I can tune out what is being said and watch Matthew McConaughey’s butt.”
The survey did reveal that only two groups of people actually like to watch chick flicks: hormonally challenged teenage girls and gay males.
When given this information, Paramount Pictures executive Brandon Michelson said “hell, we’re already giving those idiot, squeally girls those stupid, sappy Twilight movies. The fudge packers (and I know that isn’t being politically correct) don’t need us spending billions of dollars each year on a genre just for that violent and militant sub culture.”
A Congressional sub-committee has been appointed to see if women forcing men to watch movies that they don’t enjoy could be considered a hate crime or some form of mental torture. Major studio heads are being scheduled to testify, as are psychiatrists and psychologists specializing in P.M.S. and general bitchiness.
As a result of this pending investigation, Blockbuster and Netflix have removed “Fried Green Tomatoes,” “Steel Magnolias,” and any other romantic comedy that does not include naked female breasts from their rental lists.