Voters In This Week’s South Carolina Primary Confusing Santorum With Sandusky
by Jalapenoman on 15/01/12 at 8:26 pm
As soon as the Santorum campaign bus pulled up the local library in Barryville, SC, young boys took off in fear.
Voters in this week’s South Carolina Republican Primary are having a hard time distinguishing between Jerry Sandusky and Rick Santorum. A state Republican stumper said that “both are white men, both are Damn Yankees, both are from Pennsylvania, both have ties to Penn State, and both have names that are kind of similar.”
In a football crazy South, being thought of as “the man who got old Joe Paterno fired” and “the feller that diddles little boys in the shower” has been political poison for Santorum.
Other Republican candidates have been quick to jump in on the controversy. In speaking to a group of conservative Southerners, Mitt Romney said that “I know for a fact that Rick Santorum is a practicing Heterosexual.” After this seemingly innocent announcement, Santorum’s poll numbers fell another five percent in the state.
Santorum received his Bachelor’s degree from Penn State University. Ron Paul said in an address that “I’m sure Senator Santorum took many showers in State College, but I don’t think Joe Paterno knew anything about who was showering with Rick.” Another five points gone.
Newt Gingrich said “I’ve asked the University and the local Police to share with me their files about the alleged sexual misconduct of Rick Santorum while at Penn State, but they say that they cannot find any files. Does this sound like a cover-up to you?” Still another five points.
Rick Sandusky…. er, Santorum has asked that the other candidates stop helping him and defending him, saying that he would get through this on his own.
Captain america
Jan 16th, 2012
….nothing like a cold shower to cool somebody off when they keep
Dropping the soap after gym class….
….I’ll jist git me towel..