by captain america on 24/01/12 at 5:29 amHyannisport – (SatireWorld.com)
Fate continues to raise its ugly head just as beleaguered taxpayers in the Northeast thought they had seen the last of the Kennedy web of intrigue, along comes the 31 year old ginger haired grandson of Robert F. Kennedy following the same old Joe Kennedy playbook funded on more than a wing and a prayer from the Vatican!
Although Joe III is still single and living at home with ‘mom’ , he says that’s all about to change following his announcement to run for the congressional seat of perennial gas bag Barney Frank, who petulantly said he was retiring after his gerrymandered district was reconfigured to more adequately reflect a base not made up of extremely liberal jewish doctors, lawyers, university professors and Massachusetts Transportation Authority Toll Takers making $250,000 a year.
Insiders say the powers that be decided that was the only way to get the 70 year old sodomite to stand down and bring in a ‘breath of fresh air’ in the form of the latest Kennedy in waiting.
Uncle Ted ‘drowned ‘ his last drink and finally succumbed, another, Patrick ‘Patches” Kennedy, the congressman from Rhode Island who had driven his car one too many times into the local watering hole, and sunk one too many boats and abused one too many women, finally quit in an attempt to “get my shit together.”
Then there’s his father, Joe II, who explained to the Vatican that minus “due discretion of judgement” he was seeking an annulment from Joe3 and his twin Mark’s mother after 12 years of marriage, in order to marry his congressional aide now that his ‘impaired judgement was miraculously restored after an epiphany on St. Patrick’s day!”
While he did go ahead and marry wife number two, two years later in 1993 the Vatican quietly granted the annulment, telling no one except Joe, keeping the information secret from his now ex-wife.
When the enraged wife heard about it, she wrote a damning book on the Kennedy’s and the Church, forcing the Vatican, again in secret, to overturn the annulment leaving the mother of two in a suspended state of animation believing she had been miraculously given her virginity back.
After a frustrating and futile search for her long lost hymen she finally confronted disgraced Archbishop Bernard Law of Boston during Altar Boy instruction screaming “You Lied” in front of the mortified Church Organist and the choir, all who sung falsetto, BTW.
Shortly thereafter Law resigned, and was given a plush assignment in Rome far away from the
corrupt Irish Politicians he blamed for his disgrace in Boston, until he suddenly retired again recently, and mysteriously, at the age of 80.
Joe II went on to become the CEO of “Citizens Energy” a corporate scheme too convoluted to unravel for this report, but suffice it to say he is in bed with Hugo Chavez in an Oil boondoggle that has yet to be investigated by anyone in public office, and probably exceeds Kerry Kennedy’s angelic involvement with Equator an an $18B claim against Chevron Oil.
That bit of intrigue was exposed here at Satire World by one of our many Pulitzer Prize Winning Journalists just last week. The report spotlighted that Kerry has been leaning on the Saints in the Church, as well as the Sinners in government pursuing the claim without disclosing she is a paid consultant for the 3rd party plaintiffs, and in addition to her lucrative $10k a month retainer, and $50k periodic expenses, is in line for a $40m payday should Chevron not prevail against the extortion plot.
Not covered by the usual suspects in the media, was that the spill was done when Texaco was working in the country, and Chevron bought Texaco after the fact AND completed a $40M clean up done under the auspices of government supervision.
Enough of the sins of the Fathers!
Since Joe 3 has gotten in the ring, 4 potential Democratic contestants have quickly pulled their hats out and kissed his ring. Little Joey just today announced his engagement to a fellow Harvard Alum, is searching for a house in ‘His” District in order to set up house keeping and bring ‘government back to the people where it belongs!”
The impending marriage ‘is going to rival that of Will and Kate,” said one Kennedy sycophant in line for a congressional staff job, ‘ as soon as his fiance signs the pre-nup, the confidentiality agreement, and the undated annulment decree, we’ll be good to go…look for it sometime in August in Hyannis when they’ll shut down the whole cape during tourist season…the locals will love seeing Bruce Springsteen driving his Harley down Main Street!”
Begorrah, hide the women and the silverware the Kennedy’s are BACK and they’ll all drink to THAT!