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Newt’s Biggest Regret: Engaging in Intercourse with that woman, Annunciata D’Alesandro!

by captain america on 25/01/12 at 2:26 pm

San Francisco, CA – (SatireWorld.com)

Newt Gingrich wasted no time in replying to threats from Nancy Pelosi, the former speaker of the House, to reveal ‘double secret intelligence’ garnered from illegal phone hacking involving the liberal bashing Presidential Candidate.

Gingrich said he highly regrets ‘trying to engage in rational social intercourse with a woman who now uses her position in Congress to fling verbal, unfounded threats reeking of blackmail during my run for the Presidency! It’s beneath contempt, smacks of internet bullying, and certainly is conduct unbecoming the current minority leader of the House or any sane person on the planet unless abducted by space aliens!” (the latter a shout out to Congressman Dennis Kucinich, D, Ohio)

Nancy Pelosi, the California millionaire, who along with her husband own commercial real estate investments in California , along with a winery known for producing cheap ‘Dago Red’,
and recognized by Jim Cramer for her ‘uncanny’ winning stock picks, was known before her marriage as Annunciata D’Alesandro, daughter of a long time politician in Baltimore, Thomas D’Alesandro, Jr.

‘Father Tommy Two Guns” as he was known in the back rooms of Baltimore, served in Congress from 1939-1947, and also as Mayor from 1947-1959. He was forced to drop out of the Maryland Governor’s race when undeclared campaign money was linked to an Italian parking garage owner who was charged with fraud, money laundering, and reneging on offers people couldn’t refuse.

Shortly after the scandal Annunciata received a Papal Blessing to annul her baptismal certificate, and soon thereafter became “Just Plain Nancy” until she was able to bury her past in San Francisco by marriage and becoming Nancy ‘Del Monte’ Pelosi and her support of the local fruit and nut corporation.

One of the things current president Barry Hussein Obama didn’t know when he took office and began his campaign of bashing former allies, was that Israel is the site of the “Thomas D’Alesandro’ athletic stadium in Kiryat Haim.

The facility was built with funds supplied by the Baltimore Jewish community during ‘Two Guns’ term as mayor. A recent new restroom addition donated by former NY congressman Anthony Weiner of Utube fame has also been named after its benefactor in an attempt to rise from the dead.

Weiner, who finally was forced to retire after a long silence by Pelosi despite being cited for false advertising involving his member in public, and telling his fans, ‘but wait there’s still more…” is desperately trying to get back in the good graces of his wildly liberal democratic base in NYC.

His wife, the ‘stoic’ Hummer (sic) Weiner, top aide to Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, who happens to be Muslim from a family of staunch Muslim Brotherhood activists and ‘community organizers’ has been ‘mum’ on the subject after the birth of her own ‘little Weiner.”

According to Al Jazeera, Hummer’s brother, Ali el-BoomBa, upon hearing about the “Weenie Room” in Israel said,”I wouldn’t piss on it if it just happened to catch on fire after an explosion….!”

Gingrich went on to hint that he and Donald Trump are hot on the trail of new rumours that Annunciata gave birth to a mixed race child after being sent to Hawaii to avoid family embarrassment after a spring break in Jamaica somehow ‘went terribly wrong.”

Reports have it that the child once delivered by a mid-wife at the local parish, was ‘wrapped in swaddling clothes’ and left on the front porch ‘of a kindly white retired couple who knew how to keep their mouths shut ‘for a price.’

Trump says if the rumour proves true, it will answer a lot of questions about the quiet rise to fame and power of Barack Obama, including his fully paid tuitions, questionable resume, and the eradication of his entire personal history including his three former wives, 2 mistresses and 6 children on 4 continents. “The apple never falls far from the tree,” said a coy Newt on Twitter!

Said Trump, with one finger alongside his nose, ” I think somebody’s ‘family connections’ kept an eye out for the kid…this explains a lot as far as I’m concerned…Obama will never get re elected, now I know something that even Nancy doesn’t want revealed…Har!”