by captain america on 19/02/12 at 2:53 pm
Broward County, FL – (SatireWorld.com)
In a startling legal finding, the State of Illinois has finally outlawed Necrophilia, a new law certain to affect US web dating habits, and already affecting the marital rights of several high profile Democratic husbands.
While the law prohibits dead people from being F****d with, especially without their consent, the court refused to consider the rights of dead people who continue to vote early, and often in Illinois.
Meanwhile, in Florida, the husband of Democratic National Committee (D&C) (sic) Charperson, Steve Schultz, quietly filed for divorce in Palm Beach County shortly after the Illinois law was announced.
Citing ‘irreconcilable’ differences, and the new law, plaintiff stated that Debbie Wasserman Schultz was ‘dead in bed’, he was a law abiding citizen, refused to break said law, and said trying to perform his conjugal duties was ‘like attending a funeral for Whitney Houston where I was the only white person participating.”
Debbie’s husband, Steve Schultz is a vice president of a local bank, and also mentioned that he no longer, in good conscience, could ‘continue to make deposits in a repository that was irresponsive to my needs and when I asked about having sex was forced to talk to a voice automated machine in order to schedule an appointment which was later canceled.”
Most Democratic lawmakers were unwilling to comment on the effect the law would have on them, although Barney Frank said cryptically, “…and all you guys wondered why I never got married?”
Said embattled former Presidential Candidate John Edwards, “it’s not easy being married when you’re a politician….the challenge is always, at least one of you have to keep moving to keep it interesting!”
Bill Clinton was heard to comment to Patrick Kennedy III during a Massachusetts fund raiser for the 31 year old ginger haired Kennedy Legacy, ” I don’t know why they had to go and change that damn law…I’ve been living with Hillary all these years and never noticed the difference…besides, I was pretty busy getting some live action on the side!”
Said a Republican Congressman, “I’m not surprised, but all those pants suit posse members Obama appointed look like they’ve already been tagged and bagged….doesn’t speak well for the President’s virility or taste in women, let alone his sexual preferences!”
There was no response from the White House with a spokesman saying only the President was off to an ‘important funeral fund raiser celebrating Black History Month.”