by captain america on 27/02/12 at 8:51 pmWashington, DC – (SatireWorld.com)
President Obama’s goals to create hybrid electric cars, most with taxpayer funds or with complicit Administration backing, seems to have hit a bump in the road as both Tesla and Fisker continue to struggle with production problems.
Tesla, funded by private individuals and aided with several subscriptions and an IPO in June 2010 just announced a slight problem with ‘A Charge You Can Believe In,’ an Obama election rallying cry in 2008.
Tesla Company Quality Control experts said when the battery goes dead, the car is completely immovable, and to replace the failed unit would cost ‘in excess of $40,000!’ And that’s for a battery made in China from materials found in Peru and rebranded in the USA…and not under warrantee.
“Read the owner’s manual,” said Tesla rep Rocky Soprano, sales manager at a Tesla dealer in Brooklyn, “it’s the owner’s responsibility to keep the battery fully charged…if not shit happens and it’s not covered, PERIOD!”
Rocky said all owners are offered a battery policy for $12,000 up front which guarantees free battery replacement after 7 years, or if the owner gets electrocuted during the charging operation, which ever comes first. However, he was quick to point out, owner neglect does not allow the policy holder to collect a new battery. “They’ll just have to wait 7 years to be eligible to collect…in the meantime I suggest they ride a F*****g bus,” said Rocky.
By 2009 Tesla had raised $187m and had delivered just 147 cars for a price per unit of just $1,272,108.84…but who’s counting pennies?
And then there’s Fisker.
Obamanomics pushed for the loan to Fisker, handing out $500M from the Department of Energy, and the company promptly moved production of the $109,000 ‘S’ model to Finland, claiming it was the only company with the technical experience to build the car, while claiming more money to reopen a Maryland Government Motors plant (GM) to build their ‘X’ model $50,000 sedans as a favor to Vice President Biden’s home state and the memory of Spiro Agnew.
Meanwhile, the 200 models of the ‘S’ had earlier been recalled for ‘short circuit’ problems, halting production of the other 500 scheduled for production this year. And the “X”, well, unfortunately that too has been stalled as the company lays off workers and is waiting for government refinancing as Fisker mysteriously has ‘run out of money!” All this ‘finance stuff’ has car mogul Obama shitting yet another brick for which the taxpayer is now on the hook.
Once again Obama Math just doesn’t add up. Not one private capitalist would have ventured $500 million to build a Hybrid Sports Car costing $125,000 with a production goal of just 700 in one year which averages out at $714,285 per vehicle. Maybe Obama and green investment guru Al Gore were figuring they could make it up on oil changes and battery replacements?
Meanwhile, another hybrid car company has announced it would be seeking DOE financing for their new vehicle touted by Obama said to be able to run on ‘pond scum’ as the President announced algae as a new energy source just last week shortly before boarding Air Force I on a round trip fund raiser to Iowa that burned 8950 gallons of jet fuel.
The company said it’s metro model “The Pollywog’ could get 235 miles to each gallon of liquid squeezed from approximately one ton of scum, didn’t leak, was impervious to impurities in the atmosphere, and easy to park. A company spokesman said as soon as the government financing was approved and they had solved the odour surrounding it’s fuel source the ‘Pollywog’ would be launched in San Francisco as a ‘gay friendly alternative to straight transportation polluting the planet!”
The introductory model will only be available in Lime Green and feature drop down oxygen masks in case of a mishap during refueling operations.