by captain america on 28/02/12 at 6:18 amKabul, Afghanistan – (SatireWorld.com)
Hamid Karzai, CEO and family patriarch of Karzai LLC, president of the wasteland known as Afghanistan, the biggest welfare state in America, announced a shut down of the family’s varied business interests which in effect shut down the entire country.
Hillary Clinton, Secretary of State, and Tim Geithner, Secretary of the Treasury, said the action ‘was not conducive to the continued cooperation between our two great nations in this time of economic turmoil.’
President Obama states emphatically, “this will only hurt small business owners, and the 1% of the Afghan entrepreneurs making more than $2m a year at a critical time when we have almost succeeded in bring that nation into the 18th century! It also threatens their bid to become the 51st state in the union….errr, or is that the 58th?”
Karzai LLC controls the concrete industry which has been pumping untold millions into the family empire during the rebuilding process. Karzai builds, the Taliban blows it up, Karzai rebuilds, the US continues to pay.
Karzai’s exclusive franchise for Toyota motor cars also shut down despite being the world’s second largest consumer of Toyota $50k Land Cruisers, falling only behind Haiti thanks to the billions in aide orchestrated by Hillary and Bill, and distributed by shadow finance minister Sean Penn in that devastated country which is worse off now than a week after the natural disaster that left thousands homeless, hungry and ravaged by roaming gangs in tent cities.
Panic has already been noticed in the US in the minority business world, as Karzai Pharmaceuticals, LLC, has cut off export of this years bumper crop of processed poppies thanks to refined agricultural methods introduced by the Department of Agriculture and dedicated US volunteers from the Peace (sic) Corp.
The extended Karzai family which controls a number of restaurants in the US said they too would honor the shut down closing off food service to their patrons in America, but it would not cut into their catering service which counts the White House, the TSA and the NYC cab driver’s unions as some of its best customers.
NATO just announced that it was pulling all of its “Peace Keeping” advisors out of the country due to the shut down. Norwegian platoon leader Swen Ericksen said, “The situation is intolerable. The kabob street vendors have disappeared and even the Shorma (soup) kitchens are closed…we’re starving to death here, and nobody seems to give a S***t”
“Don’t forget afternoon Chai” (tea) said lefttenant Sean Wesley Montgomery, “not one drop of clotted cream is being produced…and strawberry production….forget about it, eh? It’s a disgrace, first they give us unarmoured cars, guns with no bullets, then they cut out afternoon tea…worthless BASTARDS!”
“This F*****g place is so dry you can’t even find a snail,” said French Captain Louis Vitain, who was seen packing his kit after NATO informed him he was being sent home.
Things have gone down hill since American forces burned some copies of the Koran at a military prison after guards found inmates were using the margins to send coded messages planning an uprising, escape and suicide gas attacks by stuffing themselves with Qabil Pulao, the daily food staple.
An attempt to sit down with the Taliban didn’t go well either, as the representatives from the fanatical group, who were allowed to keep their sidearms during the meeting because of political correctness initiatives pushed by the French, immediately shot and killed the coalition negotiators in the head as they bowed to the Taliban leaders.
White House insiders say that Obama has ordered Clinton to broker a negotiated settlement allegedly telling her, “offer them anything….Pelosi will slip it in the budget…just make this problem go away until January next year!”
Reporters covering the ‘strategic withdrawal’ from NATO headquarters say they found classified documents being left to burn, along with 2300 copies of Obama’s autobiography “Dreams of my Father,” a fact declared ‘just another outrage performed by the military,” according to White House Spokesman Jay Blarney (sic) ‘and yet another reason Private Bradley Manning was nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize!”
More Mayhem Reports Momentarily.