by captain america on 02/03/12 at 10:49 pmNew York, NY – (SatireWorld.com)
Former President Bill Clinton was forced to finally acknowledge what has long been suspected; Chelsea is NOT his daughter with long suffering wife Hillary!
After years of rumours, the recent PBS Documentary on “The Clinton Years’ finally forced the former President into the admission after early shots of a sorely ugly Chelsea with receding chin and medusa like hair left no room for doubt that DWS was actually the surrogate mother from hell!
“I did have sex with that woman, Debbie Wasserman-Shultz, but it was only one time,” said a red faced Clinton facing the microphone during a hastily called press conference after learning the National Enquirer was about to break the story nationally.
Clinton went on to add that the incident took place 31 years ago when DWS, a budding political science major at the University of Florida, came on to him during a fund raiser for his governorship.
“When she sat on the floor next to my chair and rested her head on my leg, I knew I couldn’t resist. Any good ole boy knows when to throw in the towel when he’s in for a good lickkin’” said the former president using all of his country boy charm.
Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, the Democratic Party Charwoman (sic) for her part maintains that she can’t fully recall the incident.
“Those were wild times in politics…I supported many Democratic candidates, some more intimately than others, so it’s possible I let my aspirin drop from between my knees more than a few times. All I know is everything turned out alright, the child was adapted into a good democratic family, and I was able to get on with my life…although being allergic to aspirin, I occasionally do suffer PMS headaches!”
Chelsea, recently married to the wealthy heir of a NYC hedge fund, has since changed her zionist hair style to more easily fit into the preferred lifestyle of her WASPISH ‘parents’, but it may be too late.
Reports out of Saudi Arabia and other parts of the middle east say that Arab donors to the Clinton Library, and special Muslim interests who fund his $500,000 speaking engagements are not happy.
“He had a child with a Jew and never told us, ” said Hillary’s close confidant Humma Weiner, herself married to former Jewish congressman A. Weiner (NPI) and mother of a new born son, despite her family’s close participation with the Muslim Brotherhood.
Friends close to Chelsea say she’s still in shock and can’t believe it.
“I can’t believe it,” she reportedly said, “We wear the same size pants suit and have the same taste in men…tell me it can’t true!!”
According to White House informed sources, Clinton is now calling in one of his long overdue favours from the President. The word is DWS will be appointed as Ambassador to Syria as soon as Obama gets ‘four more years.” That could turn out to be a life sentence not only for DWS, but the American taxpayer as well.
As a conserative education proponent said privately, ” No Child should be left (a) behind like that…it’s a big arse mess!”
More after DNA samples return from the lab.