by captain america on 23/03/12 at 4:00 pm
Washington, DC – (SatireWorld.com)
Current Dartmouth College President, and former Harvard professor for Global Health and Social Medicine, Jim Yong Kim, has been named by Obama to head the World Bank which dispenses Billions of Dollars to corrupt regimes, Al Gore’s Green Hedge Funds and Planned Parenthood.
“He’s the ‘Un’ I want,”said Obama in a shout out to Kim’s Korean ancestry, during a restricted press conference where only an MSNBC blonde was the designated pool reporter in order to avoid answering embarrassing question from Fox New’s Ed Henry.
Kim was appointed Dartmouth president in 2009 after an outbreak of aids, gonorrhea, and genital warts infected the campus during it’s decades long swing from a Conservative Right leaning administration and faculty to the Progressive ultra liberal Left.
Apparently Kim’s background in Social Medicine turned the Dartmouth campus around, with only 10 cases of Herpes reported last year, although alcohol addiction has been deleted from college health records and is no longer tracked.
Just this last February during the Winter Carnival festival, a tradition for over 100 years, Kim was heard to lament the effects of Global Warming saying, “if we don’t raise the price of gas, and tax emissions and build more windmills, this fine tradition may have seen it’s last days.”
Reportedly this comment when forwarded to the White House put Kim on the short list to head up the World Bank.
The traditional weekend Winter Carnival at Dartmouth is known for it’s hard drinking parties and other libertine activities; over 125 undergrads were allegedly hospitalized with acute alcohol poisoning last year, not including invited dates, although unlike Georgetown Law, the college does employ over 425 FREE contraceptive dispensing machines through out the campus, including the gym, the indoor spa and swimming pool thanks to Kim’s progressive ‘free sex’ outlook and experience in Global Health matters.
The College also came under some unwanted media attention in past years as Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson took umbrage with the fact that most of the snow sculptures crafted during the carnival were, in Sharpton’s words, “predominately white, and probably Jewish,” a statement endorsed by Jackson which brought in a plethora of cash donations to their non profits.
Presidential spokesman Jay Blarney (sic) said that the President expects Kim to sail through the confirmation process thanks to his Harvard background, position in the Asian community, and his dedication to sex without guilt. “He’s no Sandra Fluke,” said Blarney, “he’s the real deal and his expertise in the medical field will certainly be welcomed in the financial field as the World Bank is really, really, sick!”
The Winter Carnival was first celebrated in 1909 by the Dartmouth “Outing Club”, and has been celebrated ever since…but probably not in a gay way.