Council of Human Rights Takes Up Mouse Infestation Cause; Supermarket Closed Until Company Finds ‘Suitable’ Accommodations!
by captain america on 28/03/12 at 3:01 pmLondon(UK) – (SatireWorld.com)
The European Council of Human Rights (ECHR) has taken up the cause of a horde of embattled mice facing eviction from England’s biggest super market chain in prestigious Covent Gardens.
The store was closed yesterday by Health Officials due to an infestation of mice attributed to “substandard cleaning, inadequate rodent prevention, and lax screening at Heathrow Airport.”
Home Secretary Theresa May has refused to answer questions about the fate of the mice which may have contributed to several cases of illness reported by customers at the shop after finding mice in a popular brand of ‘chips’, in bags of pet food,and annoticing ‘sprinkles’ on lamb chops which customers assumed were pre seasoned with Rosemary.
The store has been closed until further notice while the ECHR continues to block the chains efforts to correct conditions and eradicate the problem, in contravention of European Mandates dealing with undesirable rodents and their right to ‘normal familial interaction to include breeding, feeding, and the right to reasonable housing accommodations.”
Londoners have commented on what appears to be an inordinately large population of mice dating back almost two years when what one tourist describe as ‘the mother of all mice’ was seen roaming freely in and out of a popular Tothill hotel and pub mere blocks from Scotland Yard under the very nose of agents who ducked in after work for a pint before heading home.
“They’re eating us out of house and home,” one server commented, ” but there’s naught we can do about it since they’ve relaxed the policy for visitors at the Channel Tunnel, Southampton, and at the airports and said all visitors have to right to enjoy our generous benefits. Some of ‘em have even started relationships with our local mice, and the population has just exploded.”
Said the bartender, “if you think this is bad, wait till the Norwegian Rats hear about this, even a Maine Coon Cat won’t be safe, and foxes sneaking into houses biting babies will be the least of our worries!”
Said an onlooker yesterday peering into the shuttered store, “look at that ‘un….it’s so fat it can’t even move…I suppose the NHS will have to pay to have a gastric band installed!”
Estimates of the population in the store vary from 2500 to 5,000, but experts say it’s hard to get the exact number. “Right after you complete the census, the prolific buggers are birthing a litter of 12 or more…slutty little buggers, Eh?”
According to Barreness ArseCroft (sic), the UK’s rep to the EU at $750,000 a year, plus expenses, negotiations are on going to find ‘suitable new housing accommodations’ for the rodents in keeping with the EU mandate for “Liebestraum” for all living creatures.
Rumours that the creatures may be moved to Wales have not been confirmed, especially since Len McCluskey leader of UNITE supported by Labour, the Communist Workers Party and the Socialist Party has taken up the cause for the creatures and promises that all members of the Exterminator’s Union will walk out if a more comfortable abode can not be found for the oppressed rodents within two weeks. McCluskey is demanding a food allowance, lucraive pensions, free vacations to Spain and of course adequate veterinarian care for the creatures while avoiding the touchy subject of birth control, the dangers of unprotected sex, binge drinking and 24 hour ‘Happy Hours.”
More as we git over it.