Supreme Court Rules Forcing Men To Watch Chick Flicks Is Cruel and Unusual Punishment
by Jalapenoman on 03/04/12 at 4:44 pm
"You know," said Elmer Scogginston of Helena, Montana, "some of them movies is just painful. I'd rather get my nuts caught in a thresher than have to sit through another one of them Twilight movies."
In a vote that followed gender lines (straight males and Obama appointed Lesbians in the majority, women in the minority), the Supreme Court voted 7 – 2 that forcing men to view female romantic movies (a.k.a. “chick flicks”) can be termed as “cruel and unusual punishment.” If the man is a straight and a member of a religious or racial minority, it can also be termed a “hate crime against men.”
Men everywhere in the United States cheered the decision and the bipartisan vote of the Supreme Court. “You know,” said Elmer Scogginston of Helena, Montana, “some of them movies is just painful. I’d rather get my nuts caught in a thresher than have to sit through another one of them Twilight movies.”
Arlo Jenkins of Chicago also likened watching chick flicks to having something bad happen to his testicles, but he used a different machine. “It’d feel better to stick Johnson and the twins in the blender than to make me sit through another damned showing of Titanic. Every time I hear that Celine Dion song, it makes me want to run to the kitchen cabinets and find the small appliances.”
Alvin Jackson of Macon Georgia said that “When I heard my wife wanted to take me for Fried Green Tomatoes, I thought we was goin’ out to eat. Well, that bucket of popcorn may have been the worst eating experience of my life. When I got drug to Steel Magnolias, I was wishing all them women folk would die and not just Julia Roberts.”
Due to these type of emotions and feelings in men about this type of movies, The United Nations is considering outlawing them as torture devices and adding them to the Geneva Convention.
Let’s Hear It!