by captain america on 15/04/12 at 12:55 pmPalm Beach, FL – (SatireWorld.com)
Democratic National Charwoman Debbie WasherWoman (sic) Schultz is crediting Satire World for her long over due make over which critics say has turned her into “Miss Piggy” from an unappetizing Wart Hog!
Sporting artlessly applied eye shadow, selectively plucked eye brows, and a Brazilian wax job above her upper lip (“I’m part Armenian on my father’s side,” the former medusa headed democrat talking head finally decided to ‘get a few things straightened out.”
Noted for her militant stance against common sense, DWS rebelliously refused to leave her hippie days at the University of Florida behind her, famously sporting her tussled kinks in front of the TV looking like she just emerged from an all nighter at the Kappa Sig house on fraternity row.
After the recent furor surrounding Hillary Rosen, the lesbian mother of two who opined on stay at home moms, and the earlier flap resulting from 30 year old perennial ‘law student’ Sandra Fluke,
“I can either buy a hygiene spray or condoms, but I can’t afford both,” cast her into the national spotlight again, much to the joy of conservative republican pundits, Debbie decided on a “do-over.”
“Debra” as she now demands to be called, appeared on Chris Matthews show “Hairball” as a limited market test to try out her new image. Her handlers decided that 45,000 viewers on ‘Hairball’
would be a test to see if the “new and improved Debra” was ready for “Prime Time”.
Matthews: Welcome Debra W. Schultz! You look Marvelous! What made you decide to commit to the makeover!”
DWS: Thank you Chris! Well, you know, with the GOP’s war against woman, their goal to fire all the police in Chicago leading to more killings, rapes, and sodomy, I felt it was time for me to not give up “hope” and make a change!”
Matthews: Simply stunning! I’m getting a chill right up one of my legs!
DWS: Wish I could say the same for my husband. If he gets any more infirm I’m going to have to put him in a care home in Orlando to see if he can learn how to get it up…I was sick and tired of him insisting I put a bag over my head…those days are gone in our house!
Matthews: I think that’s more than our viewers need to know Debra…but it is quite a thrill just to think about it…in a journalistic way.
DWS: Speaking of Journalism, I want to thank the entire staff of Satire World for making me realize it was time for “Hope and Change.” I can only Hope they Change their opinion of me as I emerge from my cocoon into the beautiful butterfly I’ve become…being a sex object is something new to me and will take some time getting used to. By the way, did I mention Howard Stern even wants me now?”
Matthews: No Doubt! He’s probably been non stop wanking since you agreed to do the show with him in his studio hot tub!
DWS: Oh Chris….now you WANT ME too…how cute…I just love the New Me!
Matthews: What does the President think about your new image?
DWS: Well, you know Barry doesn’t have much time to notice this type of thing. He’s much too busy…he works SO HARD 24/7 trying to solve all the problems in the world. He’s got Fast & Furious, Solyandra, Fisker, the hot Chevy Volt and Cruze recalls, those nasty Supreme Court Justices, the family squabbles with those pesky Muslims, a horde of illegal immigrant relatives in Boston, and now Ozzie Guillen trying to open up Cuba for the President. They’re both so misunderstood!
Matthews: What’s your take on all this when the furor dies down.
DWS: I’m glad you asked Chrissy…If Ozzie can get a good Cuban short stop instead of the usual Dominican, get someone who can bat clean up, a middle reliever and a strong closer, I think the Marlins could get to the Super Bowl…who knows, they might even face the Havana
Red Roosters after the BCS ratings come out!
Matthews: And there you have it. Debra Schultz on breaking world events and four more years for Obama. Thanks for being here Debra…and good luck with the upcoming lyposuction.
DWS: Thanks for having me Chris…it was more fun than I’ve had in years…is it too early to ‘do it ‘ again?
The more things change, the more things stay the same.
Stay tuned to SW as Debra ventures out into her new world with the same old talking points.