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New Twist in Columbia Hooker Scandal: Escort Now Claims Hillary ‘stiffed me!”

by captain america on 19/04/12 at 12:42 pm

The State Department – (SatireWorld.com)

The Columbian Hookergate Scandal refuses to go away, as yet more Escorts come out from under the desk complaining about ‘getting stiffed’ by members of the President’s Secret Service and the investigation is now focusing on Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and her ‘Pants Suit Posse!”

The latest allegations are swirling around “Swillary” after a 24 year old mother of one, and high priced companion, has come forward saying she was ‘left holding the bag‘ after getting picked up at Cafe Havana by the 64 year old wife of former President Bill Clinton.

“Angel,” who refused to give her full name, said she was out for just a few drinks when she was asked to join the Secretary of State’s table by Hillary’s ‘close personal aide’ Hummer (sic) Weiner, who is joined at the hip to the Secretary.

She said Hillary was the center of attention being fawned over by 11 of her female traveling companions including her hair stylist, weight trainer, Vietnamese nail polish consultant, her podiatrist, colorist, and personal dresser.

Angel said Hillary ordered two cases of Corona for the table, 3 dozen limes, and a bottle of Mezcal, joking about the size of the worm in the bottom of the bottle saying “I used travel with a dildo bigger than that….but I haven’t seen much of Bill lately!”

Angel said after a few beers and shots, and dancing a seductive samba with the Secretary she suggested they move to her private 4,000 square foot suite to get away from the cameras and where they could make themselves ‘more comfortable.’

“I had no idea she had sex on her mind,” said a tearful Angel,” she said something about she needed more ‘diversity’ on her team, and was looking for someone who could speak Spanish fluently to take with her to translate for Kerry Kennedy as she mediates the Spain/Argentina oil grab instituted by President Cristina Fernandez. .

“I thought we’d all be together, but shortly after arriving at the suite the rest of the women all paired off and disappeared into the 7 bedrooms, leaving me alone with he Secretary.”

“First she told me how lonely it was traveling around the world by herself, which then turned into a discussion on the last time she had sex….Caramba…the last time I wasn’t even born yet!!”

“Finally she told me she was really into women after being cheated on by her husband hundreds of times and asked if I’d like to stay the night and help ‘relief my tensions’.”

“She didn’t seem surprised when I told her my all night rate was $800 US, and was glad to hear I took American Express. All she said was “Priceless” and started to wriggle out of her pants suit, which was no mean feat considering she was a little tipsy, not to mention bottom heavy.”

“Obviously, I wasn’t going to let her get on top, I’m a really slight girl after all, but we managed to work things out after she fitted her strap on. It really wasn’t too bad, except for the grunting and the saliva…but for $800 I can put up with a bit of that…this wasn’t my first time with an American Tourist, eh?”

Angel said the rest of the evening passed quickly soon after Hillary fell into a Mezcal Stupor, “I wasn’t going to lie down on no damn ‘wet spot,’ and she spent the rest of the night reading classified briefing papers on Putin, Sarkozy, David Cameron, Michelle Obama, Barack Obama Sr., and one of his son’s Barrack, Jr.

“Mierda!…that was some serious Shit she had in her attache case! No wonder the US is so F***d Up,” she told her debriefers.

The trouble started, she said, when the front desk called and said as an unregistered guest she had to leave the hotel to meet the curfew. When she woke up Hillary to explain the situation and ask for her money, allegedly Hillary got indignant shouting, ” Don’t you know who I am? Clintons NEVER pay for Sex!”

Well, the rest of the story is now history. The altercation spilled out into the hallway bringing in Hotel Security and the local police.

Hummer Weiner, in an effort to contain the situation took up a collection and gave Angel $350 US, and a post dated check for the remainder drawn on the US Treasury.

“What’s a working girl to do…am I supposed to take on the entire US government to get my money? I ask you…your government has been screwing you for the past three years, and you can’t get your money….I can’t wait till November to get ‘payback’…I’ve got overhead and a budget to meet!”

Angel finally left threatening to take her case public on “Judge Judy”, and vowed never to have anything to do with American’s in the future.

“Joe Biden called for a date the next day, but I told him he could go F*****k his ownself…NO MAS!”

According to Chris Matthews, who was on the road with Obama, and later joined by Haiti Ambassador Bill Clinton, the two got hysterical when they heard about the incident.

Said Bill, slapping his leg (sic), “That’s a good one…bet she say’s “I didn’t have sex with that woman, Angel….that’ll work…trust me, and this time there’s no stain to convict! ”

Said Barry, driving Bill to fits, ” Hope she got rid of the strap on. Remember, If there’s NO DICK, YOU CAN’T CONVICT!”

Chris Matthews is said to have wet his pants during the hysteria!