by Jalapenoman on 21/04/12 at 11:10 amWashington, DC – (SatireWorld.com)
Beginning with the 2014 mid-term elections, Facebook will take over the voting and poll stations in the United States. Instead of voters having to leave their homes and drive to their local school, fire station, city hall, or other building to vote, they will be able to log on to their Facebook page and “like” their favorite candidate on the ballot.
Democratic National Committee Chairman Debbie Wasserman Schultz said that “this will no longer disenfranchise voters who have no transportation and are too ill to leave their homes or hospital beds. It will make their votes important too.”
“In order to provide a way for all eligible voters to have computer access, the Obama Administration has approved a three trillion dollar stimulus plan to provide a free laptop computer to all persons on welfare rolls, all minorities (legal or illegal), all persons with an IQ below 85, all persons who are presently unemployed, and all high school dropouts.”
“This just goes to show how much the current administration cares for those of the 99% who are not spoiled and rich enough to afford home computers.”
When told that many senior citizens and most people of over average intelligence did not find social media an effective or enjoyable use of their time, Wasserman Schultz said that “they need to come into the 21st century and get with the program! These people obviously have no real life if they don’t have at least 100 Facebook friends. Do you really think that someone who doesn’t play Farmville, Cityville, or The Sims Social should really be participating in government and deciding the future of our nation?”
It was noted that A.C.O.R.N. has been hired to distribute and train people on the use of their new computers. They have been tasked with teaching how to use them and how to “like” candidates from the socially correct party. An additional trillion dollars will be paid to A.C.O.R.N. for this service.
The computers will be purchased from China, with funds borrowed from China.
When asked how they would control voter registration and keep people from creating multiple user accounts or keep people from outside of the country listing false addresses and voting in American elections, the Democratic Party National Chairman said that “we really don’t believe people would do something like that. Besides, we think that the very concept of citizenship is not politically correct and is demeaning to the undocumented residents of this country and the people not fortunate enough to live here yet.”
Debbie Wasserman Schultz did not have any comment when asked if Facebook accounts would be created for the residents of the Chicago cemeteries so that they could continue to support the Democratic Party in elections.