by Jalapenoman on 27/04/12 at 10:04 amWashington, DC – (SatireWorld.com)
The United States Congress has voted that May 4th (which falls on a Friday this year) will become a new National Holiday. This day, to be called Star Wars Day, will be observed as other holidays are, with the closing of banks, schools, post offices, and non-essential Government offices. Other non-essential employers are encouraged to give their workers the day off also to celebrate and commemmorate the holiday and participate in themed events.
“May the 4th Be With You” is the official theme of parties to be planned for the observance. Movie theatres will be showing special screenings of all six of the Star Wars films (the original trilogy and the prequel trilogy). Television stations will be running The Ewok Adventure and The Clone Wars films and television series.
Costume parties are planned in many cities and towns, with winners being declared “Emperor for the day.”
The KKK has announced plans to burn JarJar Binks in effigy in all cities where they have a chapter. The public is invited to bring marshmallows and enjoy the festivities. They also remind people that Stormtroopers wore white armor, Obi Wan Kenobi wore robes in the original movie, and that Luke Skywalker was dressed in a white costume in much of the first movie. The character of Senator Amidala also wore a white, skintight jumpsuit (that was occasionally see through on top) in the second movie of the prequel series.
When asked why the United States Congress would create a new Federal Holiday to celebrate a series of movies, Senator Barney Frank said “it’s almost four weeks until Memorial Day Weekend. We felt that we needed another day off and the pun on this one is just so clever.” Frank admitted that he would be dressed up as Princess Leia (in her metallic bikini) from the beginning of Return of the Jedi. “I may be shaped more like Jabba the Hut, but there is more of the Princess in me than any other character, and I just have to let her out.”
A large group of nerds and other computer geeks in Lancaster, England have planned a sit in to force their government to also recognize the day. One, named Mark, said that “we are going to attempt to use our Jedi mind tricks and the Force to make Parlaiment give us the holiday. We’ll also use it (the Force) to make people on the street take off their clothes and give us sexual favors, but that isn’t the important thing here… well, maybe it is, since we’re all virgins!”
May the 4th Be With You!