by captain america on 02/05/12 at 6:02 pmObamaland, IL – (SatireWorld.com)
Downtown Chicago, including Lake Shore Drive, is preparing to defend itself against ugly demonstrations planned by the Taliban and OWS activists during the May 1-21 Obama/NATO Fundraiser hosted by Hussein Obama at the $1m a plate dinner to be held in the Empire Room of the famous Drake Hotel.
According to a Homeland Security Official, who agreed to talk in exchange for having his theft, rape and drug smuggling charges mitigated, said the Red Cross is working on a plan to evacuate most of the down town area in advance of the onslaught.
The FAA has issued a ‘shoot on sight’ order for any unauthorized planes flying in the area, including visiting tourists who might be para-gliding from speed boats operating on Lake Michigan during the conference which many Nato countries have said is ‘too dangerous to attend.”
Said Pierre Roquefort, a spokesman for French forces, “if you’ll note, the conference takes place over a weekend…the most dangerous time to be in Chicago if you’re a young black male, a black Irishman, or a Frenchman from Algeria.”
Pierre pointed out that it was not unusual for the President’s own city to record nearly 50 shootings in just one 48 hour period over a weekend saying, “it’s a tribal thing…it’s even worse than those idiots that Karzai’s paying to keep the war going and foreign aid flowing!”
Patriot missile batteries are being dug in along the scenic Lake Michigan Beach front property, and residents and business owners are being urged to evacuate voluntarily or face mandatory removal prior to the conference. “Anyone who stays there over the weekend is probably doomed,” said Mayor Rahm Emanuel, who himself is said to be planning to travel to Israel to ‘plant a tree for peace’ over the weekend in yet another Obama fund raising event.
Obama himself doesn’t seem too concerned, despite being dropped by his government paid home owner’s insurance carrier for ‘living in a war zone.’ Apparently, according to AG Eric Holder, about to be impeached by Congress for the Fast and Furious Coverup, ‘the president can declare an emergency and issue himself reimbursement for any damage incurred by acts of Allah noted in the policy’s fine print.”
Obama is said to be flown in by a squadron of armed Black Hawk helicopters, directly to the well fortified site, and for the first time will himself be armed with a pair of pearl handled revolvers formally worn by WWII General George Patton.
Chris Matthews, the Presidents unpaid spokesman and a talking head on CNBC was shocked when he heard the news. “OMG,” he gasped, “I hope this doesn’t mean General Obama will have a jeep accident before he has a chance to be more flexible after the election!!”University
Meanwhile, reports are circulating that a ‘crack’ team of Secret Service ‘Advance Men’ have been busy vetting the city’s working girls to check on any possible terrorist ties, putting a presidential price freeze on services for the visiting VIPs, insuring the girls will be providing clean linen and washcloths for their clients and providing free government contraception devices.
Newly appointed Slut Czar Sandra Fluke has been tasked with ensuring that the government mandated contraception program is being carried out, and has even spoken to her peers at the University of Chicago about the ‘opportunity to make some extra cash during the weekend as ‘social guides and dinner companions’ with fees as high as $800 a pop (NPI) authorized by the DNC.
Michelle Obama, in charge of the menu, told certain attendees concerned about an alien diet, ‘not to worry, no need to bring your own pet….we’ve got plenty of food to go around…!”