Stop Me if You’ve Heard This One: a Dwarf, A Commie and a Neo Nazi Run for President in France….What Could Go Wrong?
by captain america on 07/05/12 at 10:37 amParis, France – (SatireWorld.com)
Following France’s Presidential election one thing is most certainly clear; the European Union is doomed, and what’s left of the bankrupt fragile coalition will most certainly go down in flames as riots erupt across the continent this summer.
The only thing that would have been more absurd in the election was if DSK hadn’t been caught with his rampant member standing at attention in any number of posh hotels, sex parties, and houses of high class prostitution reportedly ‘doing it’ six times a night! Must be something in those escargot, eh?
Former President Nicholas Sarkozy and his italian heiress and pop singer wife, became hated for their arrogant ways (hey, he at least is French what’s the big F****g deal?) leading the electorate to dub him President ‘Bling Bling’ with delusions of being the French version of Obama with his new plane fitted with special ovens for fresh baguettes, soundproof master bedroom doors, and its own snail garden.
Sarkozy was so broke before he was elected, he had to sell his house to pay off his previous two wives, and move into Carla Bruni’s pair of million dollar piles. It was said he was so self conscious about his diminutive height, he ordered the ceilings and doorways lowered to boost his self confidence and wouldn’t employ any house staff over 4’11″ which limited recruitment to pygmies from Papua New Guinea which at least made them half Italian (NPI) and kept Carla happy.
Francois Hollande described as being comfortable living in his shell of mediocracy, had earlier stepped down from his leadership in the Socialist Party, but after the fall of DSK, who was ticketed to be the next President until he was caught with his pants down around his ankles, took up the torch of left wing anarchists screaming from the ramparts “Tax the Rich” whilst burning down their own stores and praising the multi cultural influx of bombers, gypsies, and strangers in sheets taking over their streets for prayer revivals, fortune telling sessions, and picking pockets.
Hollande, who left his wife of 30 years and his four children, took up with Valerie Trierweller, nicknamed the “Rottweiler” for her take no prisoner articles as a magazine journalist. Valerie will now be known as the country’s ‘First Mistress’, not bad for a 47 year old who resembles her non de plume!
Meanwhile the far right candidate Marine le Penn is biding her time for later elections hoping to garner more seats and helping her in the next election, as surely it will come sooner than later as Hollande’s policy of spending more on government, already at 56% of the economy,hiring 60,000 teachers and rebuilding the Maginot line under ‘infrastructure stimulus’ whilst easing austerity measures, will bring France, along with Greece and Spain into further chaos and certain ruin.
Speaking of Greece, chaos there as right wing Commies took elections , although not enough for a majority, but enough to put the country’s future in doubt, as no one will have the power to lead the bankrupt country out of their morass of national debt and entitlements.
Appraising the weekend’s election results, it can only be likened to the illustrious couple Tom Cruise and vapid wife Katie Holmes catering to the 6 year old Suri who has never been seen to walk on her own.
The child who reportedly has a $1m wardrobe and has ‘marvelous taste’ according to Katie, has been carried by her parents her entire short life; just points and gets what she wants, and when she doesn’t just throws a tantrum…work…not in her life time…one can only wonder what this spoiled child will demand next.
According to tabloids Suri has demanded a sibling, and is said to be ‘supervising’ as Tom and Katie try diligently to accommodate her with Tom allegedly telling his wife, “hey Honey…it would help if you would move around and at least pretend you’re awake and enjoying this…!”
President Obama wasted no time hailing France’s new leader, already arranging for a state visit for Francois and his mistress and preparing a congressional address praising him for his Tax and Spend promises as a reflection of what ‘the hope and change the peasants have been waiting for!”
From the standpoint of the France economy, reports from the UK indicate estate agents have been bombarded with requests for available high end properties and requests for asylum from France’s affluent as they prepare to evacuate the country leading Dave Cameron to address Parliament in a ringing speech saying:
“We shall defend our island, whatever the cost may be, we shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills and the entrance to the tunnel…. we shall never surrender to foreign interests who want to rewrite our glorious history…assisted suicide is not an option…we can manage by ourselves quite nicely, thank you very much!”
More as the Continent Goes Up in Flames.