by captain america on 12/05/12 at 8:09 amHollywood,CA – (SatireWorld.com)
Turmoil in the dark halls and secret closets of Scientology today after it was disclosed that two of the cult’s biggest stars , “Tiny Tom” Cruise, and “Big John” Travolta experienced a great deal
of “friction” in their long running relationship with the mysterious group and each other.
The relationship, long hidden behind closed doors, emerged in the open recently as the perfect storm formed over Hollywood with the convergence of President Obama’s ‘Evolution’ supporting Gay Marriage, and multiple charges that the former Saturday Night Fever star was suffering from ‘Al Gore Syndrome” involving alleged contractual arrangements with free lance masseurs, albeit seeming backwards in the Travolta case.
At least two, “and possibly hundreds” of claims of inappropriate advances on the part of Travolta, according to the attorney for “John Dork 1″ and “John Dork 2″, now threaten the carefully protected image of the big time star.
According to Hollywood insiders, Travolta’s penchant for diversity has been known for years, prompting Carey Fisher a few years ago to say, ” Everyone knows John is Gay. He should just come out of the closet and get it over with…we all love him and couldn’t care less.”
Reached by phone after Obama’s $15m fund raising “Evolution” at bachelor George Clooney’s pad, Carey said “if Barry can come out, I’m sure John will be sure to follow, especially if it’ll raise more money for the re election campaign. Washington is much, much too austere, it should be a really, really gay place where people can meet and have a good time without worrying about getting outed over of a few friendly BJ’s in the Lincoln Bedroom or under the Resolute Desk. Just look at England;Parliament is a hoot where boys will be boys and vice a versa following their multi-gender
policy which has it’s roots in those nasty old schools from their youth where they took turns doing each other as a ‘right of passage.’
Said one Brit observer tartly, “Right of passage…sounds like a big arse mess to me, and not the tunnel of love!”
Friends of John said the problem with Cruise started after the pint sized star made it big in “Top Gun” about a hot shot air force pilot, “went to his head.”
Travolta, a multi-talented pilot who is licensed to even fly a commercial multi engined jet, and even owns his own at his ‘fly in’ residential property in Florida, is said to have been incensed
about Cruise being cast in the role.
“It shoulda’ been me, ” he reportedly told Clooney during a St. Maarten clothing optional beach vacation, “they wouldn’t have needed a stunt double, I could have flown rings around them all, and they wouldn’t have had to put a pillow on the pilot’s seat, either!”
Flight instructors close to Travolta have claimed “he’s a natural…he can fly by the seat of his pants and needed hardly any training.”
One instructor, identified only as Bruce said, ” during our first lesson together we went a mile high, then practiced ‘touch ‘n go’s ” for about 2 hours. We were both exhausted after the experience, but it was pretty clear to me John knew how to get it up and down safely!”
Following the revelation, Katie Holmes was said to be looking ‘even more vapid, stoned, dazed and confused than ever.”
More as the story Evolves.