by Jalapenoman on 21/05/12 at 5:07 amThe White House – (SatireWorld.com)
White House employees in the laundry room admitted that the cost of replacing the First Family underwear supply is so high because First Lady Michelle Obama refuses to wipe her ass. Laundry supervisor Elaine Hotchkiss said that “she thinks the Secret Service Agents or some white folks should do it for her. They say that it isn’t their job and they refuse (well, except for that Chris Matthews guy… and he says he gets a thrill down his leg every time Mrs. Obama lets him do it). Keith Olbermann also thinks that evey American has a duty to wipe her bottom, or else they are a racist, but he never does it himself.”
As a result, the laundry chooses to throw away the soiled panties each day rather than attempt to wash them. The general concensus was “I ain’t paid to clean up that shit!”
An annual review of White House spending showed that the First Lady spends more on underwear than any Executive Mansion resident in history, including John F. Kennedy. JFK, however, didn’t soil his boxers. “He was famous for leaving them behind at some floozy’s house and going commando in his business suit afterwards,” said Mildred Whipple, a White House Laundry employee since 1962.
When asked why an odor was never noticed on the First Lady, the workers admitted that they liberally doused her clothing with her favorite perfume before returning it to her. “Her Chanel #5 just overpowers the stink of her shit…. and contrary to what she thinks, her shit does to stink,” said Hotchkiss.
When asked if the President has a similar problem, they admitted to only finding occasional racing stripes in his underwear and explained it away by saying that “he is fast and free with spending our money, so why shouldn’t he be quick on the wipe?”
In conclusion, Whipple said that she has finally figured out the meaning of “Hope and Change.” “We HOPE the First Lady will learn to wiper her ass, but know that she will just CHANGE her panties until she does.”