Michelle Plans Move to Broadway in Remake of ‘Audacity of Dope’ as “Jesus Christ, Super Fly!”
by captain america on 30/05/12 at 8:37 am
First Lady Michelle Obama says she's ready for the role since she already has her 'I'm-a-star-so-kiss-my-ass' attitude down pat.
“Shit no, ” she exclaimed after being questioned by Whoopi Goldberg, “no money innit, eh? All Barry gets out of this gig is $400k a year…and that ain’t no big F****g deal in the world wide scheme of vacations and designer outfits!”
Professing that in real life she would like to be global celebrity Rihanna, Michelle opined, “but of course I don’t have the figure for it even though Barry says he loves a tall strong woman with a big butt…a Mau Mau tribal thing you know!”
Michelle now says she is gathering backers for a new Broadway musical tentatively entitled “Jesus Christ Super Fly” depicting the Messiah as a ‘big time Choomer’ who arrises from the dead
and comes back again and again to make everybody miserable…’kinda like Bill Clinton!’
“I see Harry Belafonte in the lead, with Mel Gibson as the anti-christ, Lindsay Lohan as the Virgin Mary, and lots of cameo roles. Valerie (Jarrett) will be the admittance clerk to the gates of Hell, and of course Van Jones will be in charge of Wind Mills and other money burning energy innovations there.”
And what about Barry’s ‘Enemies List,” she was asked.
“Simple stupid….they’ll all be forced to buy Chevy Cruzes, Volts and Fiskers and be doomed to be consumed by eternal flames….flaming arse holes, eh…fitting, innit?”
When questioned, Michelle says if this production goes over big, she has other plans for Broadway.
“I see Rahm Emanuel performing as the “Sugar Plum Fairy” as I revive Ballet in Chicago.”
“Then of course I want to make Shakespeare more contemporary and am already working on some scrips.”
When pressed the current First Lady (sic) mentioned a few of her upcoming projects:
The Merchant of Boca Raton with Debbie Wasserman Schultz as Shylock.
Comedy of Errors with VP Joe Biden in the lead speaking role.
Othello with a complete cast in white
face including Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson
and Juan Williams.
Hamlet with George Bush in the lead as the “M****** F*****er”
Taming of the Shrew with Kris Jenner and her whole family.
Following the interview, but on a hot mic, Michelle was asked by Ba Waa Waters if she was off to ‘do Oprah.”
Commenting ‘off the record’ Michelle spat, ‘not on your life…Oprah is over…as Barry’s Uncle Shaka used to say before he got offed by Michael Caine, “Pigs get Fat, Hogs get slaughtered”…that bitch just didn’t know when to stop eating….!”
And this just in: The White House announced today that Chris Rock will be replacing Press Secretary Jay Blarney (sic) after he was found dead in a seedy 3rd floor walk up in down town Washington.
Investigators are claiming possible suicide after finding Blarney locked up inside a ‘hold all’
naked and with an Obama Bobble Head doll between his lips.
Said one official on the scene, “Poor devil…I just don’t think he could take it anymore..all them lies just caught up with him and now he had no choice but to come out of the closet. Politics, Eh?”
More after the autopsy.
Let’s Hear It!