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Evolution of a Presidential Marriage: She Wants to Be Rihanna, He Yearns to be the Green Lantern!

by captain america on 03/06/12 at 10:19 am

The White House – (SatireWorld.com)

AC-DC Comics is now taking credit for President Obama’s recent ‘spiritual evolution’ on Gay Marriage with a spokesman saying, “We told Barry about Adam Scott aka The Green Lantern coming out, and he told us, “I’m the Green President…I guess I better come out now too!”

Barry’s epiphany closely follows wife Michelle who tearfully confessed on the View, that she too was evolving, and wanted to be Barbadian super star Rihanna, recently credited with earning $53m and listed as the world’s 4th most influential celebrity along with Sean Penn, the Kardashian Klan, George Clooney, and Lady Gaga Gaga, although none have yet won a Nobel Prize.

Prior to press time Satire World was unable to determine if Rihanna favoured Arugula, or whether she tended her own garden in Barbados growing up.

Insiders in the Chicago White House, led by Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel, and Re Election chief and head executioner David Axelrod who vets the President’s Drone ‘Kill List’, said it was time for the president to ‘reinvent himself.’ Again.

Following recent unauthorized biographies, “The Amateur” and ‘Barack Obama, the Story’ aka the ‘Fairy Tale’ which depicted the president as a self absorbed, misguided, pot smoking sociopath
who struggled within his half white body and couldn’t see himself marrying a black woman, his handlers are busy crafting yet another persona for the President with his election now severely in doubt.

With Bill Clinton widely acclaimed as ‘the first black president’, and even liberal journalists dubbing Barry ‘The Magic Negro’ albeit now recognized as only another charlatan using slight of hand and ‘smoke’ and mirrors to tear the nation apart, a new “socially relevant Barry Obama’ is set to take the stage with only 5 months to go until the presidential election.

Even Communist Columnist Maureen Dowd, who was one of Barry’s most fervent worshippers declared in a recent column, “Barry’s lost his Mojo and can’t remember where he left it..I think all that ‘chooming’ in Hawaii has finally caught up with him! F****g Pot Head!”

With VP Joe Biden ordered off the campaign trail and told to report to a rehab center and ‘get a grip’ on himself, Chris Matthews opining ‘the tingle is gone’,a former African American congressman saying he’s now a Republican, and Clinton and Massachusetts Governor ‘Cadillac’ Deval Patrick saying presidential candidate Mitt Romney was an ‘outstanding business man’,(Clinton called him ‘Sterling’,) that leaves only Debbie Wasserman Schultz and Indian Princess Senatorial Candidate Lizzy Warren and a few of Obama’s Pants Suit Posse still publicly touting his presidency.

According to DNC charwoman Debbie Wasserman Schultz, the campaign will be floating a “New and Relevant Obama” to see how it’ll fly as he attempts to reactivate his ‘base’, and writes off middle aged and senior conservatives, the military, Blue Dog Democrats and the few remaining tax paying citizens.

“Barry Obama, the first Gay Union Muslim President” is set to make his first appearance at an abandoned wind mill farm somewhere in the hills of California which is now the site of a OWS marijuana field encompassing over 225 acres, not including a larger agricultural production area extending into an adjoining Federal Preserve now noted to be ‘too dangerous’ for hikers and bird watchers to visit.

Following recent revelations that Barry was a ‘hound’ when it came to hitting on white coeds in his callow youth, posters for the event suggest that the event will be ‘clothing optional’ and advises participants that government dispensed condoms will be available along with the President’s favorite beverages, St. Pauli Girl and Heineken, noting that both are dispensed in ‘Green Bottles’ in keeping with the president’s message “to go green, get high, and puke all over the 1%.”

Reports that Michelle has converted the White House Basketball court into a music recording studio, is taking voice lessons, and has recruited several lesbian Supreme Court Members, the head of the Homeland Security Agency, and several other female czars and cabinet heads for her back up singers, has yet to be confirmed, although rumours are rife within the hip hop industry.

“Right now it’s tough,” said our source, “most of the women have no rhythm, don’t look too good in Spandex, and keep hitting on the female drummer which is causing a lot of jealousy, not to mention angst…and lip synching is proving to be a big challenge, even with the teleprompters!”

Rolling Stone reports the group “Michelle & the Moochers” will be releasing their first album on Vacation Records, “I don’t want to be me anymore” sometime in October with the lead song tentatively titled“Don’t tie me up, Don’t tie me down, It’s boring just hanging around in a closet with you!”