by Jalapenoman on 02/07/12 at 8:21 amEl Paso, TX – (SatireWorld.com)
Persons of celebrity receive honorary degrees from Universities all of the time. Many schools will award a millionaire or military hero or government official an honorary doctorate just to get them to speak at their commencement exercises. For other schools, it is a way to sell fake degrees in order to get large donations. It has also become a way for schools to get publicity. On rare occasions, it is a way for an institution of higher learning to reward someone for their contributions or influence at that school. This last reason is the case at El Paso Community College.
El Paso Community College announced that it will award U.S. President Barack Obama an honorary Associates Degree in Hispanic Studies. As the school is not certified for any Doctorate programs (or Masters degrees or even Bachelor’s degrees), the Associates is the best they can do.
It should be noted that El Paso, Texas has the country’s largest population of illegal immigrants from Mexico.
According to college spokesperson Jose Jose Jose De Los Angeles Rios Sanchez Lopez Jesus y Maria Guadalupe Fernandez Torres (“Chuy” for short), “we want to thank this President for all that he has done for our students. With him in office, they get free education, free housing, free food, free tuition, free Social Security (that they never paid into), voting rights, driver’s licenses, free health care, and don’t have to put up with those duties of citizens like having jobs or paying taxes. Obama has created a voting base for himself here that should get him over 90% of the vote in this city!”
“We want to recognize him for his great contributions to La Raza. Without his help, we’d probably have to be working for a living and wouldn’t have all day to just sit around and drink cerveza.”
One detractor, a part of the 10% in the town that disagrees with the award, is a man we’ll call Leroy the HVAC Repairman (no relation to Joe the Plumber). Leroy works 62 hours a week just to pay his bills and feed his family. Said Leroy, “there are parts of this town where I won’t go because they refuse to pay me. They tell me to go get me some Obama money and treat me like crap when they want me to service their broken down air conditioners. They think it’s a government right to be cool in the summer and that they shouldn’t have to pay for that either.
“Now, they want to give our country’s worst ever President an honorary degree in Wetback Studies. They love the fact that he has made them zero liability voters. They will vote to continue to fund new programs to take care of themselves, expecting people like me to pay for it.”
“The way I see it, this degree will probably be made on a piece of construction paper with government issued crayons and Elmer’s school glue. It’ll have as much authenticity and value as the man’s birth certificate.”