by Jalapenoman on 06/09/12 at 3:41 amSeacacus, NJ – (SatireWorld.com)
During the second quarter of the Wednesday Dallas Cowboys-New York Giants game from the Meadowlands, cameras showed Cowboy owner Jerry Jones in his luxury skybox. He was handing his eyeglasses to a man behind him, who pulled a cloth from his shirt pocket, cleaned the glasses, and then handed them back to Jones (who gestured with them and waved them around several times, but never actually put them back on).
The eyeglasses cleaner, an official NFL front office position on each team, has been identified as Mike “Boomer” Hendricks, former eyeglasses cleaner to Bobby Bowden at Florida State University. Hendricks was a second team all American with the Seminoles and a fourth round draft choice by the Dallas Cowboys.
After the game, however, Jerry Jones placed Hendricks on waivers for his “bad attitude about helping the team and lack of contributing above his basic job requirements.” It seems that at in the third quarter of the game, Tommy “Boom Boom” Hanson, the official nose picker for Jerry Jones, was injured and had to be taken to the locker room for x-rays and a possible M.R.I. (and was eventually put on injured reserve). While out, Jones asked Hendricks to fill in for Hanson. Hendricks balked at the request as he thought the “generic kleenex provided by the stadium did not provide adequate protection.”
At the refusal, the Cowboy’s owner sent Hendricks to the showers and had waiver papers prepared for the team member.
For the remainder of the game, official Jones ass-wiper Kevin “Stick-’em” Jennings had to do triple duty in his position and as nose picker and as eyeglasses cleaner.
The Cowboys announced plans to upgrade Johnny “Booger” Maddox and Wally “Sparkle” Beach (both rookies) from the practice squad for next week’s game, pending finding replacements on the waiver wire or through free agency.
When asked for a comment, Hendricks said “You couldn’t pay me enough to be that man’s cocksucker!” That position, however, is usually alternated among the *DALLAS COWBOY CHEERLEADERS*.
In a related story, retired ball scratcher for Jerry Jones, Harvey “Dingle” Williams, was nominated by the Veteran’s Committee for induction into the NFL Hall of Fame.