Muslims Expand Protests to Southeast US: Piggly Wiggly Forced To Close 600 Stores in 17 States…Hillary Clinton Apologizes

by on 21/09/12 at 9:19 am

So far there have been 6 telephoned threats against Mr. Wiggly. Three purportedly by Islamic extremists, the other three were from his ex-wife looking for last month’s support check.

Baconville, SC – (SatireWorld.com)

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton was forced to apologize to US Muslims everywhere regarding employee owned Grocery Chain Piggly Wiggly which has 600 stores in 17 states and features a ‘happy pig’ in it’s advertising and promotional literature, a fact the Secretary called “distasteful, racist, ignorant, intolerant, and an insult to peace loving Muslims everywhere.

These words were even stronger than those she used a few years ago to describe Monica Lewinsky who she referred to as a ‘scum sucking sow!”

Clinton, along with Imam Barack Obama were forced to release a $1.6M video calling for calm after 3 muslims wearing burkas protested outside of a popular Piggly Wiggly store in a remote retirement town along the coast of South Carolina. In it, Clinton pleads for calm and ‘understanding’ while Hussein pledged to have the DOJ, IRS, EPA, HSA and Media Matters investigate the family firm for ‘religious insensitivity.”

Hillary stopped short of calling for a boycott on the popular chain, but did say, “surely, American’s could do better by shopping at Whole Foods, a supermarket chain endorsed by Michelle Obama, saying, “it’s worth the extra 22% to buy White House approved Organic Arugula and keep your arse from spreading! Just say no to BACON!”

The Secretary of State appeared in a gorgeous custom made Burka from the collection of Huma Weiner who is marketing her new line of Middle Eastern apparel at Saks, Nieman Marcus, and also available on line at Amazon, while used sheets can be purchased on Ebay slightly discounted despite a few specs of blood incurred while the former owners were being disciplined by their husbands.

Local residents refused to go along with the Administration’s edict, flocking to the store to stock up on the “I love the PIG” tee shirts, while former military veterans showed up to guard the store bearing armsand in defiance of Embassy Policy, ‘a shit load of ammo,’ according to one grizzled combat veteran who served in Watts, Oakland, and Detroit during past anarchy inspired riots by Progressives.

Despite threats from the administration, several national fast food chains vowed to resist intimidation, with 3 major companies saying they were increasing he size of their Bacon Cheeseburgers, while reducing the cost by 12%, and a popular barbecue chain in Florida started advertising a 7 shot Mossberg Riot shotgun with 18″ barrel with each 10lb Family Size bucket of Pulled Pork .

Across the Pond, any reference to Pigs, Bacon Butty, BLTs, Bacon Bits, and Swine Flu have been banned on satire sites to honour ‘uman rights.



2 Responses to “Muslims Expand Protests to Southeast US: Piggly Wiggly Forced To Close 600 Stores in 17 States…Hillary Clinton Apologizes”

  1. GlossyNews Brian

    Sep 22nd, 2012

    Obama is the best and anyone that thinks differently is obviously part of the gay agenda. Sorry libtards but you guys saying I’m wrong are all poll smokers.

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