Citing Fiscal Cliff Concerns, The National Park Service To Close All Scenic Overlooks At Federal Parks
by Bargis on 09/11/12 at 9:40 am
Washington, DC – (SatireWorld.com)
With pressure building from within Congress about a fiscal cliff, and concerns voiced by OSHA, the US National Park service has temporarily closed all parks in the US with unfenced overlooks citing the dangers to the public.
OSHA spokesperson Nancy Redcone, says a recent spate of party faithful falling from un-fenced fall offs has sparked the emergency ruling prompting the US National Park Service to close almost 700 parks to visitors until saftey railing were in place.
A spokesman for the trial lawyers association, and member of the Dewey,Cheatumn,and Howe law firm in Washington had this to say…”It’s a threat to all Americans when they blindly approach the fiscal cliff especially when blinded by political theater and partisian politics.”
In recent weeks reports of ‘Democrat sheeple’ falling from un-guarded overlooks has increased. Many point to the euphoric distration of an Obama second term seemingly blinding many visitors which causing them to step out over the edge.
The National Park Service promises quick action to guard against catastrope and has awarded a contract to Larry’s Fence Service of Rome, Georgia to begin work on fencing the complete edges of the Grand Canyon as the first project to forestall falling over cliffs problems.
Davis Axlegrease, an advisor to President Obama, says federal stimulus funds will be a used to contstruct the safety barrier and monies will be pulled from fence projects on the US southern border to facilitate safer national parks.
According to a statement released by Axlegrease…”We don’t want our well educated and trained sheeple to fall over something as silly as a fiscal cliff, so your president will actually save lives in the end.”
Earlier reports of the Park Service mandating parachutes for all park visitors were disclaimed by National Park administrator Clive Daniels who said the reports were ‘unconfirmed.’ But he did add that properly ‘softened cliff bases’were being studied by a special grant to senator Harry Reid’s district in Nevada that has had experience with similar problems from its electorate.