by captain america on 01/12/12 at 7:12 amNew York City – (SatireWorld.com)
After 75 years serving humongous sandwiches, home made chicken soup. bagels and lox, the famed Stage Deli has finally closed it’s doors unable to survive competition from the Obama Regime!
The historic site on 7th Avenue near 54th, the deli was a must visit for tourists, and theater goers alike. If you liked your pastrami piled high and your chicken soup home made, this is where you went to get your fill.
A spokesman for the deli, speaking off the record as he didn’t want to get placed on an enemy’s list and have FEMA refuse to help him after his home was washed away in Staten Island, said simply; “you can’t compete with this government when it makes up it’s mind its going to nationalize the way you eat and how much you pay!”
Due to inflation caused by the current administration’s policies on health care, the minimum wage, ethanol, transfat, the size of soft drinks and Michelle Obama’s crusade against fat jewish gourmands registered as republicans, accountants said the Deli was fighting a losing battle.
“Look at the Chevy Volt. Cost us taxpayers $250,000 to build a car they can’t sell for $41,500, even with a $10,000 cash rebate, and $200 a month leases…who can compete with that?”
Just before they shut the doors chicken soup was going for $7.95, Novie, Eggs, onions, potatoes and a bagel were served up for $18.95 (US), and the famous pastrami, corned beef and salami piled high on home made rye were going for $$16.95 and up depending on add ons. Even a lowly tuna fish sandwich was served up for $14.95, and non of these included the dreaded “Bloomberg” city tax of 8.875%, or state or federal levies. Did I mention a tip? Priceless!
Said Saul, a waiter who had been there for 55 years, starting as a sweeper, “about the only people who could afford to eat here were the President when he managed to sneak away from his wife, Chris Christie, and all the union bosses who met here with the local politicians while they were hammering out their pension and benefit deals. And those BASTARDS never tipped!”
While ownership doesn’t know who will take over the famous site, their lease was up in a few months, rumours are that Mayor Bloomberg is meeting with White House officials, Congressman Charles Wrangle (sic), former congressman A. Weiner, Al Sharpton and recently extradited terrorist Abul Hamza al-Masri to reopen the location as a combination food stamp outlet and “chicken soup for soul brothers” kitchen.
Said Weiner, “we hope to have the center open right after we go over the fiscal cliff January 1.
We expect to appeal to every democrat suffering financial strain, as well as the folks who haven’t recovered from Hurricane Sandy if they can prove they voted for Obama.”
According to the event caterer for the Obamas, it will be an eclectic menu featuring kosher, Halal, soul food and Asian fusion as well as Chicago deep dish pizza. “we’re going to feed everybody for less than it cost! Nobody can save money like Barry, he really is the ‘Frugal Gourmet’, but not in a Gay Way!”
Said Weiner, ‘the grand opening should be great! Alan Grayson is flying in with Debbie Wasserman Shultz, Jerry Brown and his contingent from California are going to beam themselves down, and I even think my wife Huma has talked President Morsi, the Egyptian Pharaoh, into popping over.
Kim Jong Il is mulling it over, Chavez is waiting for medical clearance, and while Putin says he’s ‘tied up’ he’ll send Ana Chapman over to help cut the ribbon and pick up a few notes she left behind.”
“It’ll be a solemn moment too, as we will have a moment of silence to commemorate Ambassador Stevens who was inadvertently caught up in a street celebration in Benghazi and died from the excitement. UN ambassador Rice will say a few words and then we’ll all eat! Mozel tov!”