Obama: Soccer should be our national sport cuz only the fans die young!

by on 30/01/13 at 7:05 am

Harold Worth claims watching British football gives him an erection because of all those chaps running around in shorts. It must be a 'gay thing.'

Harold Worth claims watching British football gives him an erection because of all those chaps running around in shorts. It must be a ‘gay thing.’

Blountstown, FL

President Obama, the former Olympic member of the Indonesian Skeet Shooting team, jumped into the national discussion involving traumatic injuries in football siding with former SW reporter Harold Worth praising the ‘civility’ of ‘football'(soccer in the US) around the world, especially in the UK.

Worth, a strong proponent of ‘football’ claimed it was the world’s premier sport with over 200 million fans 98% of which admitted going to games just to get in a ‘dust up’ with rival supporters
after a few pints.

Recently in the US there are signs that football will eventually be legislated out of existence as studies are completed detailing brain injuries incurred during violent helmet to helmet collisions by 275 lb line backers tackling 185lb fleet footed wide receivers and 167lb bolt of lighting punt returners at a combined speed of 122mph.

According to recent reports, several well known pro athletes allegedly suffering brain degeneration took their own lives, or participated in violent episodes, some resulting in death to others.

Worth, no stranger to concussion his own self, after reports of several collisions with lamp posts on late night walk abouts after a match, said, “well, me brain seems intact most of the time, although I have experienced some mood swings and evidence of bipolar disorder. Actually, me thumb is my real concern, dislocated it a few years ago after sticking it in some Manchester City’s blokes eye during a disagreement over a red card at an away match!”

Evidence of ‘Hooliganism’ has plagued soccer since it’s early beginnings and only seems to be getting worse.

The great heralded “Arab Spring’ touted by the ‘Benign Dictator” Barack Hussein Obama, recently resulted in 21 ‘fans’ being sentenced to death under Sharia law after 74 were killed at a highly contested match in Pt. Said.

The sentences led to more rioting where it is reported the death toll has risen above 40 and may even threaten the Obama supported Muslim Brotherhood regime of Pharaoh Morsi who recently visited the White House to chat with Obama, and bring gifts from her family to Hilary Clinton’s point woman to the Brotherhood, Huma Weiner the self proclaimed Muslim -American -Jew currently domiciled in Brooklyn when not traveling with the recently concussed former secretary of state Hillary Clinton.

According to reports uncovered by SW Hillary suffered the life threatening blood clot during a friendly pick up game of field hockey involving a stuffed pig’s bladder while visiting
Saudi Arabia to discuss raising oil prices prior to the winter.

Signs that it will only be a matter of time for football will be turning to Soccer as the national sport were evidenced when two members of the Baltimore Ravens participating in this weeks
Super Bowl voiced their opinions.

“I think the NFL will be adopting Flag Football in the near future,’ said one, “too many folks getting hurt…this has got to stop!”

Another said he would use the hype leading up to the event to promote ‘gay marriage’. As he pointed out to Bob Costas during an interview, “if we’re going to promote soccer, we might as go ‘all in’ on the rest Obama’s agenda…take away our guns and give us knives and broken bottles…200 million fans can’t be all wrong, eh?”



One Response to “Obama: Soccer should be our national sport cuz only the fans die young!”

  1. Bargis

    Jan 30th, 2013

    Soccer, or Brit fotball, is such a weenie game no wonder a dipshit like Skoob thinks it’s such a fab sport. He’d get the same hard-on pulling wings off of flies

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