by captain america on 27/02/13 at 3:46 pm
Nairobi, Kenya -(SatireWorld.com)
Continuing on his path of political meddling which resulted in the surprise turnout for an Italian Comedian (oxymoron?), and the humiliation of his preferred candidate, Barry Obama is also taking a personal stake in this coming Monday’s Kenyan presidential election.
The country is set to have it’s first presidential election since 2007 when violent outbreaks over ‘dead people voting’ and ‘stealing of votes’,’Lies, libel and Labia’ led to over 1,000 tribal deaths.
The country has over 42 tribes, smilier to the Democratic Wards in Detroit, Chicago, Oakland and New York City, and rivalries amongst the tribes are fierce and often barbaric as they fight to retain their street corners and entrepreneurial rights in the lucrative drug and sex slave trade.
Obama has sent his ‘crack’ team of political connivers and dirty tricksters to Nairobi in an attempt to organize a multi-million dollar write in campaign for nephew George Obama, an itinerant bicycle tire repair man currently living on $1 a month in a hand me down tin shack made of pressed Colt .45 malt liquor cans.
Despite the President’s weatherization stimulus, which was extended to select Kenyans by Obama’s TARP plan, George’s house is still covered with a blue one, since most of the caulking went to waste around windows that held no glass and the rest was injected into the asses of ignorant female tourists from Britain who booked ‘enhancement’ injections in squalid Nairobi
hotels at $500 a cheek. Several women died when their ass either exploded or became infected. Others became overnight sensations on Discovery Channel Reality shows.
Axelrod will be traveling with a handpicked team of ‘dirty tricksters including Stephanie Cutler, Sandra Fluke, (reportedly 2 months pregnant after mishandling a sperm deposit) and tattooed Advertising Executive Laura Dunham who will be talking to prospective female voters about voting with heir vaginas. Debbie Wasserman Schultz may join the group if as she says, “I can straighten a few things out with my makeover.’
Inside Washington reports the team will be traveling ‘with a lot of cash’, mostly in $1 bills to facilitate their goals and sway the NY Times/ Washington Post election polls.
The election will be closely followed in the US as a portend to the 2016 US Presidential election as the team will also be adding to their extensive data bank of democratic voters who will be supplied with absentee ballots prior to Hilary Clinton’s historic run to the Presidency.
Thanks to the brilliance of Axelrod, George Obama has formed the “Jubilee Party’, which promises ‘free stuff for everyone no matter their current gender, colour, religious preference, and whether they want a job or not, along with special green cards for automatic emigration to the US.
Preliminary polling after the party’s platform was announced indicate that several tribes, most notably from the slums, seem to be getting on George’s band wagon carrying signs boasting about
“THE AUDACITY OF DOPE.”
With his new found popularity George has surrounded himself with personal protection with a predominance of former Hawaiian Sumo wrestlers that call themselves ‘The Big Band of Choomers’ wearing black fedoras, military cargo pants, aviator sunglasses, and Banana Republic shirts with epaulets and carrying AK-47 with clips carrying more than 10 rounds.
George’s main opponents appear to be Leroy Odinga and Uhuro ‘Dingo’ Kenyatta who list their occupation as ‘entrepreneur’ and ‘import/export’ and unfortunately for them do not appear on the very important “Obama Donor List.’
The local papers are already printing report that Odinga and Kenyatta have off shore bank accounts in London, let their mistresses helplessly die of Aids, tied their dog to the roof of their Mercedes, and were the only Kenyan’s stupid enough to pay their taxes, considered ‘criminal’ by most of the population after reading about Italy, Spain, Portugal and Al Sharpton and Charlie Wrangel (sic)
The hot rumour in Nairobi this week, is that Michelle Obama, wearing an Oscar De La Renta $22,000 tie dyed tribal gown, will be on hand to announce the winner of the election via satellite TV, as her aide declares “it’s much too dangerous for her to be there in person with the adorationof fans which could lead to a stampede. Besides, she already got her butt enhancement at Walter Reid.’
More Assinine (sic) news as we get it.